20 LESSONS IN 20 YEARS: LESSON 9

I feel like I could write a new lesson every week I live and pastor, because I continue to learn and re-learn...and re-learn...and then learn again! This list is in no particular order; but as I consider this topic, each week, it is not very difficult to think of another lesson I have learned...or better yet, am still learning.

Lesson 9: I have learned to be at home at night

At first look, this might not seem like a big deal. I mean, where else are you going to be at night? Is this the idea that you should sleep at home rather than staying up all night, or our at a night club? Of course not. Then, what does this mean? I have found that being a pastor and having the priority of family is not easy. Even though we certainly preach the importance and priority of family, I know many pastors who allow ministry, with others, to take the key priority and the family gets whatever is left over. Very early on, I made the commitment that this would not happen to me, to my family.

Teresa and I have talked about this issue often, and as far as I know, she and the children still feel like they are a top priority. But, it doesn't mean that this is never a challenge; or that it couldn't easily change, if I am not careful. Making family a priority over the ministry is hard. Here are some reasons why:

• There is no time card, or set schedule. There is always more time that could be spent in ministry
• There always tends to be something urgent to attend to in ministry
• Doing ministry in an excellent takes a lot of time and hard work
• There are some famous examples of pastors who put the ministry over their family
• Comparisons with other churches will sometimes cause pastors to do whatever is necessary to "keep up"

I have been tempted by all of these things; but in the end, atleast in principle, I have come away knowing and believing that my family is more important than any of these things. I love ministry and I love the people I am serving; but I love my family more. This is a fluid issue, and it always needs attention, but here are some of the things I have learned and tried to implement, to keep my family a higher priority:

• Try to eat dinner with the family every night
• Be at home most evenings to be with the family
• Take my wife on regular dates
• Take my children on regular dates
• Talk to my wife and children about personal, meaningful, spiritual growth issues
• Be there for special events for my wife and children
• Take a day off each week to focus on family
• Go on vacation together
• Pray for the family every day
• Pray with the family and spend time talking about God and His Word
• Serve together
• Laugh and play together

I'm sure I am leaving some things out; but I have learned that, outside of my personal relationship with God, there is nothing more important than family. My ministry location and specific role may change through the years; but family remains (unless we neglect them for "more important" things)!
I am so thankful for my family, and I hope to continue to live that way.