20 LESSONS IN 20 YEARS: LESSON 19

Lesson 19: I have learned to let people go gracefully

As a pastor, one of the harder things to do is let people go, once they have decided to leave the church. If they are moving out of the area, for whatever reason, it is not as hard. But, if they are choosing to leave the church you pastor, it is hard not to take it personally. Unfortunately, it is a part of life and ministry, and I don't know of any pastor, regardless of church size, that has not experienced it. I suppose there are times of rejoicing when certain people leave the church; but for most of us, as shepherds who love our people, we wish they would stay and grow spiritually with us.

I wish I could say, that after 20 years of ministry, it is now easy to see people choose to leave the church I lead. But it is not. It still hurts to think that they are choosing to disconnect themselves with this particular fellowship, and our purpose of making disciples in our church, community and world. And certainly, people leave churches for good and bad reasons. What I have found is that the challenge lies with me: how am I going to respond to their leaving; and how am I going to lead our church in responding in a Christ-like way?

And this is what God has given me, through my brother, and through others I am sure: "We are not losing them to the Kingdom." I love that phrase, I love that thought, I love that truth. When we focus on "losing them", we think about discouraging thoughts like: "they must not like us; what did we do wrong; what is this going to do to our church; what are others going to think, etc." But these are all selfish type thoughts, not God-centered, not gospel-centered, not discipleship centered. The truth, assuming that they are followers of Jesus, is that we have not lost them to the Kingdom.

Instead of trying to figure out motives or make assessments, we leave them in God's hands. We believe that God can move them, when He desires, where He desires, and for His own purposes. God is going to put them, just like us, in just the right place, to do His work for this time. I believe that God, right now, has every pastor and every person in the church He wants them to be in, so that His plan and will can be accomplished in our lives. That includes some of the tough growing opportunities when we are with people who challenge us, or even do wrong in our midst.

This is not about having a continually growing, happy, problem free, comfortable church. This is about having a church focused on discipleship, and willing to accept anyone and release anyone that God brings to us or takes away. God gives and He takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord! If we can have that perspective, then we can let people go gracefully. There does not need to be nasty e-mails, or gossip, bitterness, or division. There can be a grace filled celebration, that although we are sad at their going, we are excited about what God has planned for them, and for us in the future. We can bless them as they go.