Relationships: A Mess Worth Making - Part 3

The book was written by Tim Lane and Paul Tripp. It is excellent and I would recommend it to everyone. But, even if you don't get to read it, just thinking about some of its quotes can be beneficial. I have already covered the first 10 chapters in my previous entries; so here are the final 5 chapters. My favorite quotes from chapters 11-15:

• We should never minimize the humble service of one person to another; it is a sign of God's grace at work in a person's life


• Jesus is calling you to move into people's lives and become vulnerable


• Repentance and faith must be your daily lifestyle. Why? Because it lays you low and lifts you up at the same time


• We want to think of ourselves as fundamentally different from the people who need mercy when, in fact, we are the same


• Mercy is the kind, sympathetic, and forgiving treatment of others that works to relieve their distress and cancel their debt. Or mercy is compassion combined with forbearance and action


• Mercy means you expect suffering in your relationships and are willing to endure it


• How you use your time and money in your human relationships says much about your relationship with God


• We often get stuck when repeatedly confronted with problems, failure, weakness, disappointment, and sin. Our track record tends to convince us that change is impossible. Imagination does not deny the track record, but places it in the context of who we are in Christ. It reminds us that God's Spirit is at work in us.


• In short, we are called to help each other see the unseen reality of our active, present, and personal God


• The fact that relationships remain intact at all, and even last for years, is a sign that God's goodness still abides in the world

Relationships: A Mess Worth Making - part 2

Last entry, I shared some of my favorite quotes from this book by Tim Lane and Paul Tripp. I realize that if I write too many down at one time, that none of us, myself included, are going to spend the time to read them and think about their implications. So, last week, I shared from the first 5 chapters. These are my favorite quotes from chapters 6-10:

• struggle in relationships is everyone's story


• When I live out of a biblical sense of who I am (identity) and rest in who God is (worship), I will be able to build a healthy relationship with you.


• No human being was ever meant to be the source of personal joy and contentment for someone else. Is there evidence that you are looking to your relationships to give you things you have already been given in Christ?


• Your words are always in pursuit of some kind of kingdom. You are either speaking as a mini-king, seeking to establish your will in your relationships and circumstances; or you are speaking as an ambassador, seeking to be part of what the King is doing.


• If I am not affirming the glory of God in the way he made you (including the ways you are different from me), I will be frustrated with who you are and tempted to remake you in some way.


• Conflict with others is one of God's mysterious, counterintuitive ways of rescuing us from ourselves


• Own whatever personal sin you have brought to the situation. Only do this if you have sin to own; Name the problem; Explore possible solutions; Implement the agreed-upon solution; Evaluate your implementation; If you get stuck and things don't improve, be willing to get outside help.


• When we reject the opportunity to forgive or ask for forgiveness, the relationship suffers. When we choose to practice true forgiveness, the relationship is not just brought back to where it was before the offense; it actually moves further down the road to maturity.


• Practicing forgiveness is something we must do daily in the same way we ask for the daily provision of food.


• Our relationships don't work according to our plan because they are part of his plan. We are discouraged because we don't see Christ

RELATIONSHIPS: A Mess Worth Making

This book was written by Tim Lane and Paul Tripp. It is definitely worth buying, and reading.
I will share my favorite quotes with you here:

• The fatal flaw of human wisdom is that it promises that you can change your relationships without needing to change yourself.


• If you want to enjoy any progress or blessing in your relationships, it will require you to admit your sin humbly and commit yourself to the work they require.


• The health and maturity of a relationship are not measured by an absence of problems, but by the way the inevitable problems are handled.


• What happens in the messiness of relationships is that our hearts are reveal, our weaknesses are exposed, and we start coming to the end of ourselves. only when this happens do we reach out for the help God alone can provide.


• Our relationships must be shaped not by what we want, but by what God intends.


• The Bible reminds us that even when we are sinned against, ultimately, before God our biggest problem is still our own hearts' propensity to sin. Even when our hearts have been horribly damaged by the sins of another, we are to guard our hearts so that we are not sucked into sin's destructiveness.


• Our mistake is to think of grace as deliverance from problems; in reality, it is the ability to persevere in the midst of those problems.


• God chooses to surround us with people who are different from us because he knows it will promote his purpose.


• the highest joys of relationship grow in the soil of the deepest struggles. Struggles are not obstacles, but instruments in God's hands. Every struggle is an opportunity to experience God's grace yourself and give it to the other person.

Well, those are my favorite quotes from the chapters 1-5. That is enough for now. If you and I meditate on just these quotes and consider them as it relates to us, it will be beneficial. Perhaps I will include more quotes at a later time. Enjoy your messy relationships!

BIRDS AND THE BEES

I have heard this phrase many times over my many years and I know the main topic that it refers to. However, I have never really heard anyone use birds and bees to teach the topic. I'm sure it exists out there somewhere. Nevertheless, I suppose the phrase still works; and sounds good. Now, for the reality.

Teresa and I grew up in a generation where the "Birds and the Bees" were not talked about often, from parents to children; although they were certainly willing to answer questions if we asked. We just never asked. I don't blame my parents, as they were great examples to us; and we certainly knew what was expected in terms of sexual activity.

So, we were left to learn about these things, in detail, from other people and other places. We determined that, for our children, in this generation, we would be the first to talk to our kids about sex. It is our desire that this is an on-going, open, discussion about sex and all issues surrounding it. We live in a world, today, that is much more direct about sex, and it hits our families on all sides. If we, as parents, don't take the offensive, our children will be inundated with the world's philosophy rather than ours...rather than a biblical one.

With that said, we have found that there is something special about the "first talk", the explanation of what sex is, and what God's plan has always been for it. When to have that talk depends on what information is available to that particular child, his/her interest in the topic; and how his/her body is developing. The key to knowing when is always prayer. We have now done it with 3 of our 5 children, and it has been at age 11 or 12. Once that time comes, we have found a very helpful resource, to use in talking in detail about this topic and in making it a very special occasion.

So, we do an overnight trip with the child, whose turn it is. If it is a boy, I will do it; and if it is a girl, Teresa will do it. And really, it's not just about sex, although that is a key topic. It is about purity, all around, in order to honor God. The main resource we use is a set of CD's we listen to, from Family Life Ministries, called Passport To Purity. This program also has other materials that are useful, including projects to do and discussion questions after listening to one of the CD's. We have found it nice that Family Life introduces the topic and leads us right into the important discussions we need to have. Any parent can follow this guideline.

We also try to go somewhere where the child would like to go, so that we can also have some fun together. Once the overnight is over, and everything has been discussed, we go out to eat to their favorite restaurant. The other parent meets us there and we have a great meal together. The topping of it all, ties it all together. At the end of the CD's, the child is challenged to sign their passport to purity, which is a committed to remain pure, sexually, until marriage. This is a commitment, before God, and commitment with parental support. The child will need loving support to remain pure until God gives them freedom to enjoy sex as a gift, with their husband or wife someday - just the way God planned it.

In order to celebrate this important decision and to make it memorable, we present our child with a purity ring, for the girls; and some type of meaningful symbol, like a sword, for the boys. It is to remind them of their commitment and that we are here to support them all the way in it. We will also let them know, as time goes on, that it doesn't matter what mistakes they make, or sins they commit, even in this area. We are going to support and help them. But, we believe it is important, at this time, to set the biblical challenge before them, and to try and cement it to their hearts, in a loving way. So far, it is been a meaningful experience, not just for our children, but for us as parents.

If you would like to look into this resource, you can go to the website:
www.FamilyLife.com
And then search: passport2purity

BIG CHURCH ENVY

One of the things I hear, consistently, from those who pastor or attend smaller churches, like ours, is criticism of larger churches. I think it is because there is a natural, albeit misguided, tendency, to think that to be successful in ministry, we must have a large church. You can't really find that in the Bible; but it is easy to see it that way. So, for those of us in smaller churches, we tend to make excuses for being small, as though we needed to, and we point fingers of blame at those we consider to be large.

Some of the criticisms I hear the most, cast toward larger churches are: They are all about entertainment; They are stealing from the smaller churches; They must be liberal; They water down the gospel; Sure, anyone can gather a crowd if they do the kinds of things that church is doing; They don't love older people; They can't be pleasing God; They waste money; The only way they can do all they do is because they have a lot of money; and many other criticisms I can't remember.

As a pastor of a small church, I can say that I have to fight off the temptation to be critical of larger churches. I think the key to not being critical is look at all churches, including larger ones, and including our own churches, with a biblical eye. And I cannot speak with experience, about all larger churches, but I can speak about one: Northridge Church in Rochester, NY. Because my brother is the senior pastor, I get a lot of inside information, and since I had the opportunity to visit, once again, a couple Sundays ago, and preached, I saw the church in action.

I praise God for the work He is doing at Northridge. Over the past 10 years, they have lost about 60% of their membership (that includes all the kinds of ways of losing people), including about 30% who have very negative things to say about the church, its changes, and the leadership responsible. However, there are now many, many more people who have come over the past 10 years, that have made decisions for Christ, and have been eye-witnesses to the way God has dramatically changed people's lives. Hundreds more now hear the good news of Jesus every week, and take next steps in their spiritual journey.

Just speaking from my own personal knowledge and experience, this particular larger church does what it does, not to be famous or large; but to make more and better disciples (another way of terming "The Great Commission" - Matthew 28:19,20). With that in mind, they have been willing to sacrifice tradition and comfort for whatever God leads them to do in order to communicate the never changing gospel to an ever changing world. That also means, unfortunately, that they take the risk of being a target for the critical ones out there (mostly other Christian churches) that will cast a critical eye, simply because Northridge is growing in numbers, have built a new building, and are gaining more recognition among others.

As a small church pastor, my concern cannot be on trying to be large; but on doing the same thing that Northridge is doing: making disciples. That is my heart's desire. And regardless of how large we grow, we will be successful as long as we are seeing people take the next steps in their spiritual journey. And as for the larger churches out there, God bless them, as long as they are doing what they do, for the glory of God! Today, I am thanking God for Northridge Church.
Check them out, and say a prayer of blessing for them as well: www.northridgerochester.com