This biblical truth was on my mind as I stood by while a committed believer and member of our church was breathing. He is in hospice care after a 8 year battle with bone cancer (the doctors gave him 3-5 years). The doctors expect him to pass away at any moment. As of yesterday, he was sleeping but his breathing was strong. As I stood there with the family, there were moments when we just watched and listened to him breathe. In those moments, I thought of the brevity of life. Earlier, I had a car malfunction, and realized how close I was to a major car accident (no guarantees of another day of life, even if we are cancer free). I thnk of my age, and although many would call me young, I realize how quickly life is passing; and how quickly it might be over.
My intention in writing this and contemplating on it is not to dive into discouragement and despair. Instead, I want to turn these thoughts into opportunities for praise and intentional growth. Because life is vapor and we are breath away from eternity, I am reminded that the Scriptures are true. This life is temporal and the only things that last are the treasures that are laid in Heaven.
I am grateful for te life and blessings God has given me. I know that much of my time is spent investing in temporal things. What I learned from yesterday is that I need to be recomitted, with whatever time I have left, to invest in people, since they will last forever; and in what God has called me to do in this short life.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I STILL DO
This message was the most difficult one to prepare for in the book of Mark. The topic of divorce is such a sensitive one, as everyone is affected by it in one way or another. I felt led, by God, to emphasize Jesus' words about God's plan from the beginning: the marriage covenant, between one man and one woman - for life. In doing so, we were able to concentrate on the part that we can positively do something about: be committed, once again, to our present spouse - for God's glory. We took time, as you will read, in the middle of this message, to honor the commitment of marriage. The two songs that were included within the message were: Holding Hands by Steve Green and God Blessed The Broken Road by Selah.
If you would like to listen to an audio of this message (although I was having a terrible time with my voice) you can find that at www.gbcwestlake.org and click on listen now. This message was preached at Grace aptist Church on Sunday August 17th, 2008.
I STILL DO
Mark 10:1-16
Please turn in your Bible to Mark 10. In the Bible in front of you, it is page 875 or 893.
I admit that I come into this message with some fear and trembling. I want to be true to the Word of God; and yet I also know that this topic today touches some families more deeply than any other. Therefore, I want to be true to the entire Word of God, using the time I have allotted to me this morning to communicate what I can about this.
The issue is divorce and you probably already know the statistics. Over half of marriages end in divorce and I don’t think the percentages are any better for those married more than once. Divorce touches everyone’s life in some way. You have probably either been divorced, or your parents or grandparents have; or you have someone close to you that has been divorced or are dealing with the effects of divorce in their family.
Jay Adams, in his book, Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible, writes: “Contrary to some opinions, the concept of divorce is biblical. The Bible recognizes and regulates divorce. Certain provisions are made for it. This must be affirmed clearly and without hesitation. Because divorce is a biblical concept, used and referred to frequently in the pages of the Bible, Christians must do all they can to understand it and to teach what God, in his Word, says about it.”
It is important that we know what the Bible says about divorce. But, I want to warn you: my main purpose is to teach the principles laid out in these passages in Mark, since I am preaching through the book. I will not be able to answer every question about divorce in this message or look at every passage on it. That is not my purpose. However, I am going to talk about some of the other things the Bible has to say about divorce, so that we will have a better context for which to view the specifics of Mark 10. And we will emphasize the positive aspect that Jesus deals with: the covenant commitment – the life-long commitment of marriage.
Mark 10:1,2 – “And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again. And again, as was his custom, he taught them. And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”
Jesus continues his teaching to large crowds, but here the emphasis is not on what He was teaching. The emphasis is on the fact that wherever Jesus taught, you would usually find the Pharisees lurking. And, at every opportunity, they would pounce on something Jesus had said or introduce a question or accusation that might eventually cause Jesus to lose favor with the people; or cause Him to rebel against the Roman government; or do something that would allow them to get rid of him. Verse 2 tells us they asked this in order to test him; or trap him. They knew the divisive nature of that topic. It was hugely controversial back then, just as it is today in religious circles.
The Pharisees may have thought Jesus would contradict the Old Testament law (Deuteronomy 24), because they believed it was lawful, according to the Bible, to get a divorce. The Pharisees believed this permitted divorce, that the husband could initiate it and that they could get re-married – all according to the law, in their opinion.
One of the cultural things you need to know, was that, in that day, women were considered an object, a possession of the husband. According to Barclay: “She had no legal rights and was at the complete disposal of the male of the household. The result was that a man could divorce his wife on almost any grounds…”
But, there was huge disagreement over 2 particular schools of thought on the reasons for getting divorced. This may have been another reason they were asking Jesus this question. It is like 2 children coming to the parents with the same problem, hoping the parent would take their side. If they could get Jesus to take one side over the other, then perhaps there would be more opposition against Him.
Some held to the view of Rabbi Shammai who taught the more conservative view: that divorce was allowed only if the wife were guilty of sexual immorality. Others held to the view of Rabbi Hillel, who allowed a husband to divorce his wife for almost any reason.
The Pharisees had heard Jesus say in the past:
Matthew 5:31,32 – “It was also said, Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce. But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
According to pastor and commentator John MacArthur: “From His previous teaching, the Pharisees knew Jesus did not hold to the liberal view of divorce (that a man could divorce his wife for any reason). They now expected Him to take the same stand and thereby alienate and intimidate the many other Jews besides themselves who accepted the idea of divorce for any cause at all…
Ultimately, of course, they wanted to destroy Him. The clever Pharisees were well aware that Perea, where Jesus now ministered, was under the rule of Herod Antipas. He was the tetrarch who had John the Baptist imprisoned and eventually beheaded for condemning his unlawful marriage to Herodias, whom he had seduced away from his brother Philip. No doubt the Pharisees hoped that, by denouncing divorce for any cause at all, Jesus would thereby publicly condemn Herod’s adulterous relationship just as John had done – and suffer John’s fate.”
So, they asked this question of Jesus: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” They were hoping to get Jesus in trouble. Jesus, as He often did with these kinds of questions, responded with a question:
Mark 10:3– “He answered them, What did Moses command you?”
In other words: “What does the law of the Old Testament say?”
Mark 10:4 – “They said, Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.”
The human view of marriage: When it gets rough, find a way to escape.
Why? Because God allows for divorce.
I am going to explain to you the different views the religious leaders and people had of divorce. But, the bottom line is that they considered divorce an option; and a very viable one, since there was an Old Testament law attached to it. In fact, as human nature goes, over time people have come to view the laws of divorce as a great way to get out of a difficult marriage and then to move on with life and find someone else.
This is where all the controversy in that day came from. The law states this:
Deuteronomy 24:1 – “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house…”
The controversy surrounded the words from this verse. What did “find no favor in his eyes” mean; and what did “indecency” mean. The school of Shammai taught that this means that she was found to be sexually immoral and therefore he could divorce her. The school of Hillel taught that this meant that he simply was displeased by her and didn’t want to be married to her anymore; and all he had to do to be rid of her was to write the certificate of divorce.
According to this school of thought, you could divorce your wife if she: burned your dinner, was caught with her head uncovered in public, talked disrespectfully to your parents, was seen in public talking to another man; or even if she was not able to bear children; and there were more.
So, they wanted to know: Jesus, which side are you on? Because regardless of the side he chose, it would make him more despised by whatever school of thought He disagreed with. So, it seems they had Him trapped. But, not quite. Jesus seemed to know how to answer with truth, so that He wasn’t really agreeing with either of them. Many felt Deuteronomy 24 gave men complete freedom to divorce their wives as they desired; and that the law was there to take away any guilt or consequences for doing so.
But this commandment about divorce was not there to allow men to easily get out of their marriages. But, since the men were going to divorce their wives, the law provided protection for the women. By writing a certificate of divorce in the presence of witnesses, she would not be charged with adultery, therefore sparing her life. At that time, adultery on her part would bring death. Although in Jesus’ day, that was no longer the case, the Rabbi’s laws did urge a man to divorce his wife is she was unfaithful.
According to Barclay, the certificate of divorce read very simply: “Let this be from me thy writ of divorce and letter of dismissal and deed of liberation, that thou mayest marry whatsoever man thou wilt. In later days the certificate became more elaborate.” They focused on this piece of paper that gave them their freedom and made them feel like they had done their duty. They were wrong. Jesus now confronts their wrong thinking:
Mark 10:5 – “And Jesus said to them, Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.”
Jesus makes it clear what the reason was for the law in the first place. Yes, Moses, who wrote the law under God’s direction, did so because he recognized that divorce was happening; and to regulate it. However, he did not write the law to excuse divorce. He wrote it because men’s hearts were hardened to God’s original purpose for marriage. Since men rebelled against God’s purpose, the law was then written so that when men divorced their wives, and it was supposed to be only on the basis of marital infidelity, then the paperwork would be done with witnesses; and the wife could be protected and even released from guilt. They were allowed to divorce because they were not going to accept God’s plan. It is time now to look at:
God’s view of marriage: When it gets rough, find a way to stay together.
Why? Because since the beginning, His plan was for one man and one woman to be married for life.
There are 4 reasons why we know that “married for life” was God’s plan:
1. There was only one man and one woman created in the beginning, to be given to one another in marriage.
Mark 10:6 – “But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female.”
This is a part of God’s plan: one man, one woman in marriage. And this is the way God intended it since He created the first man and woman. If God intended for it to be one man and another man, he would have created it that way. One man and a little girl, one man and an animal, one man and multiple wives, or any other combination, God could have done it. But, God’ plan had to do with the fact that he created a single male and a single female, to bring them together as husband and wife for life.
Jay Adams wrote: “God did not put a parent and child into the garden. Adam and Eve were man and wife. That shows that the primary human relationship (and family relationship) is husband and wife. That is why a man must leave father and mother and cleave to his wife. The first relationship is temporary and must be broken; the second is permanent, and must not be broken.”
And Jesus emphasizes that permanence of the relationship in the next reason that “married for life” was God’s plan:
2. There were no parents for Adam and Eve to leave, so the “leaving and cleaving” is a principle laid down for all future generations.
Mark 10:7– “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife.”
This is pretty strong from Jesus here. The word for “hold fast” or “cleave” refers to a strong bonding together, as a strong glue or cement. Family is important; but at some point, for most people, this is God’s plan. The man and woman leave their family and create a new one together. The third reason we see that “married for life” was God’s plan is that:
3. In God’s eyes, the two distinct people become one person.
Mark 10:8 - “And they shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh.”
Not only does the couple come away from their families, but they also become one flesh. The two become one. And this tells you how serious God is about one man and one woman coming together for life. In His eyes, in His plan, there is no undoing of the marriage covenant. The idea of this phrase: “shall become one flesh” is very strong, as the cement or glue (the holding fast from vs. 7) - that holds two things together. In order to separate those two things, because of the strength of the glue, there would have to be tearing; and if you did separate them, there would be damage done, just like in a real life divorce.
As John MacArthur puts it: “When a man and woman are joined in marriage, they are indivisible and inseparable, except through death.” That was God’s plan.
And that is why Jesus adds the next strong warning and we find the fourth reason that: “married for life” was God’s plan:
4. Every marriage is made in Heaven.
I realize that because of people’s personal experiences, they might not think this to be true. But, that doesn’t take away the truth of this next statement:
Mark 10:9 – “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
God has joined every couple that makes the covenant promise to one another – together. It is God’s work. That is a pretty strong statement, isn’t it? He put this man and woman with one another, and He never, ever makes mistakes. So, Jesus commanded: You don’t take apart what God has put together. Tough statement – but it is what He said.
And His plan has not changed. It didn’t change when Moses wrote the law. It didn’t change when the Pharisees asked Him these difficult questions. It didn’t change when Paul wrote about marriage and divorce; and it still has not changed 2,000 years later. God’s plan is that you stay married for life.
In God’s eyes, there are no irreconcilable differences. There are some marriages that seemed hopeless - that have been reconciled, only by the grace and mercy and miracle of God! Every husband and wife are different from one another; and sometimes that drives us absolutely crazy. Sometimes Teresa will say to me: I don’t understand you. And I will reply: And I don’t understand you either! And marriage can sometimes get very rough, and discouraging and hard.
But, hear what Jesus said: “What God put together, let no man separate.”
You have probably heard of the man who told his wife who wanted to know if he loved her: “I told you I loved you when we got married 30 years ago, and I’ll let you know if I change my mind!” But, that is not the way it should be, is it?
We know that God’s plan of one man and one woman for life is not what most people experience; and that doesn’t mean that those divorced didn’t fully believe their vows. But, this should not keep us from celebrating God’s plan. We should take time to confirm: this was God’s plan from the beginning; and hopefully, all of us, regardless of our current situation; are willing to say: this is God’s plan, and I will do everything I can to uphold it presently in my life.
So, it is appropriate for us to take some time this morning to celebrate what God meant marriage to be. We don’t need to be ashamed of God’s plan. We know the world has its perspective on the sanctity of marriage and pretty much laughs at how serious God is about His plan. But, as a part of the Body of Christ, we can affirm, that although we still fail in our commitments, we believe that this is God’s plan; and is therefore the best plan, the safest plan, and the plan that leads to His blessing.
SO WHAT? Tell your spouse, on a regular basis: I STILL DO
We know the traditional wedding vows end with the commitment: I DO. But, don’t let that be the last time your spouse hears you say that. This morning, I would like to encourage you, if you are married, to say: I STILL DO; and confirm that we believe this is God’s plan; and we are committed to it.
Even if your marriage is not perfect (and whose is?) and even though your marriage might not be close to dissolving (and hopefully it isn’t), I would like to encourage you to say this to one another today. Even if this is not your first marriage, but you want it to be your last, then please participate. If you signed up to participate today, then we have a certificate to give you to commemorate this special occasion. They will be on a table just outside the worship center doors as you leave this morning. Please pick it up on your way out. They are in alphabetical order of your last name. But, even if you didn’t sign up, you can choose right now to participate anyway. If you choose not to, that doesn’t mean you have a bad marriage. It just means you decided to support everyone else rather than participate yourself – no big deal.
For those of you who are single or divorced, this is not meant to make you feel badly. This is meant to uplift God’s original plan; and for all of to say of His plan: It is good. I encourage you to support and encourage and pray for those who are re-committing to one another again today.
So, if you are married, let me encourage you to sit close to your spouse and enjoy this time together. If you are separated by your children right now, climb over them, push them aside and snuggle close! This is your time. Before I encourage you to repeat some I STILL DO vows, I have asked John Jacobs to sing a song that commemorates this ceremony:
Special: HOLDING HANDS – John Jacobs
I had thought about making these the vows for today: for both the husband and wife to say to one another.
I STILL DO – even when you’re grumpy, even when you have the flu
Even when you leave the clothes on the floor, or forget to clean up
Even when you misplace my favorite cup – I STILL DO
Even when you make mistakes, mess up, blow it, and sin
Even when you’re struggling with God – I STILL DO – even then
I STILL DO – when you go through tough days, and nothing seems to be right
Even when you wear unmatched clothes, and your pants are now too tight
Even when we disagree, and we don’t see eye to eye
Of course you’re wrong and I am right – but I’ll even let that pass by
As the years pass on, we grow older and things keeping changing
There is one thing in my life I have no desire for rearranging
No matter what life may bring us, no matter what we may go through
I’m in this for the long haul – forever; never forget that…
I STILL DO
But, I decided not to use those for our vows today. Many of you wrote your own vows for your wedding. I know we did; and those are special and unique to you. Many of you used the traditional vows, and that is what I would like to use this morning for our I STILL DO vows – with a couple things added in. So, if you are a couple that would like to participate in this today, would you please stand…next to your spouse!
Would you please turn toward one another, and hold hands?
Husbands: please repeat after me, as you speak these words to your wife:
I still choose to have you as my wife
I still want you to be my wife
To have and to hold
For better or for worse
For richer, for poorer
In sickness and in health
To love and cherish
To grow with in holiness
Until death do us part
I Still DO
Wives: please repeat after me:
I still choose to have you as my husband
I still want you to be my husband
To have and to hold
For better or for worse
For richer, for poorer
In sickness and in health
To love and cherish
To grow with in holiness
Until death do us part
I Still DO
And this is the best part: I am going to kiss my wife, so guys: please feel free to do likewise – don’t kiss my wife, but you can kiss yours!
THE KISS
Thank you – you may be seated. I really believe we are right in confirming what Jesus said about the permanence of marriage in this passage by what you have just done. But, that was not enough for the disciples – they had more questions:
Mark 10:10 – “And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter.”
I bet they had a lot of questions! But, we just have one major issue recorded here, which Jesus talked to them about:
Mark 10:11,12 – “And he said to them, Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
These are some of those verses that I would put in a category of: I wish Jesus never said these things. These are hard statements. Maybe not for you; but for those who have been divorced, those who want to be re-married, those of us who counsel people in these difficult circumstances: this is hard! However, this is what Jesus said, and you cannot really get around it.
This does not include the exception clauses which are not in Mark, but in other places of Scripture. We will touch on those later. The emphasis here is that if a man or woman decided to separate what God has put together, then he or she is not to remarry. Because if they do, they are sinning again through adultery.
You can try to interpret this differently, but it is biblically impossible to make it say something else. God says this is sin, if you get divorced and then remarry.
Jesus made sure they knew that this applied to men as well as women. Men were not getting a pass here. When the Pharisees asked about getting a divorce, some of them believed the men were guiltless and because of the law of Moses, could do whatever they chose, without penalty – not true! With Roman readers of Mark’s gospel, many of whom did not have the Jewish law, they needed to read that this applied to a woman seeking divorce just like a man. The principles and commands in the Bible referring to divorce and remarriage apply equally to men and women today. Don’t think that because it doesn’t use the word man in one place or woman in the other, that it doesn’t apply to you. The words were chosen to communicate to a particular culture.
Although Mark does not deal with divorce completely, I think it is necessary that I talk to you for a few minutes about some of the issues Mark does not include. Otherwise, if you only read what Mark has to say, you could leave confused; and even have the wrong idea of what God says about divorce.
Jay Adams wrote: “It is altogether true that God hates divorce. But He neither hates all divorces in the same way nor hates every aspect of divorce. He hates what occasions every divorce…he hates the results that often flow to children and to injured parties of a divorce…but that leaves some things about divorce that He does not hate. He certainly does not condemn or hate divorce proceedings per se (as a process). Nor does He hate divorce when it is obtained according to the principles and regulations laid down in the Scriptures and which he followed in His dealings with unfaithful Israel.”
Every divorce includes sin. I didn’t say every divorce is a sin; but every divorce includes sin. God’s plan is that we stay married for life, but there are sinful human beings involved in these relationships, so there is going to be failure; and it seems, at least half of the time, there is going to be divorce. It happens. And when it happens, you can be sure that one or both people involved sinned in the process. They obviously both sinned during their marriage, but at least one of them sinned in getting the divorce. Either the person seeking the divorce or the person being divorced was guilty of sin.
Let me say a word or two to those of you have gone through the tragedy of divorce. I know that some of those who have gone through a divorce have felt ostracized in their churches. They have been made to feel like 2nd class citizens, as though they have committed the unpardonable sin. But, I want to be clear here; and I want to encourage you.
No one, when they are married, intends to be divorced. That is obvious. You said your vows just like everyone else, that probably included the words: “until death do us part.” But, tough times came; and it may even be that the other person was the offending party, and all of sudden, what you never thought about when you walked down that aisle was a reality in your life. And there was incredible pain involved; and that pain may still be very fresh, even today.
Can I remind you of a couple very important biblical principles? First of all:
1. All sins can be forgiven. If you sinned in the process of the divorce, it can be forgiven. If you sinned by getting remarried, it can be forgiven. Why do people think that divorce is the sin that continues on and on and on, as though God doesn’t cleanse the guilt of that sin like He does any other? Why do people sometimes look at you as though you have a scarlet A on your dress? God doesn’t look at you that way. Here is the truth:
I John 1:9 – “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Notice that verse did not say cleanse us from our sins (except divorce) – did it? If you agree with God about the sins you committed in the divorce and possible remarriage, you are forgiven. Did you hear what the Scripture says? You are forgiven. Believe it…and live like it.
2. Those who sinned in divorce and remarriage have not committed a greater sin than others
In other words, divorce is not at the top of the list of the sins God hates. Now, we do know from the book of Malachi that God hates divorce. But, read the list of things God hates from the Old Testament book of Proverbs:
Proverbs 6:16-19 – “There are six things that the LORD hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.”
Guess what? Divorce didn’t make the list. But, some other things are on the list. What about the haughty eyes of someone who looks down on divorced people? What about these other sins that many other people commit – God hates these!
Now, read the other lists in the New Testament that give a rundown of some terrible sins.
There are lists of sins in Galatians 5, I Corinthians 6; Romans 1; and in Revelation 21, just to name a few. And guess what? Divorce and remarriage don’t appear in any of these lists. I’m not trying to tell you that people don’t sin often in divorce or that remarriage is not often a sin. What I am telling you is that the Bible does not put divorce and remarriage apart as something more sinful than any of the other sins that you and I commit every day.
I have heard people make the comment that divorce is worse than any other because our marriages are to be a picture of Christ and the Church. It is true, according to the Scriptures, that marriages are to be that picture and divorce distorts it. No doubt about it. But, the Bible also says that every individual Christian is to be like Christ; and every time we sin, we distort people’s view, not only of Christianity, but of Jesus Christ Himself. They are both distortions, sin always is; but the Bible does not say divorce and remarriage are worse than what the rest of us struggle through.
3. God is divorced. Yes – God went through divorce. You don’t believe me?
When God talks to His chosen people through His prophet Isaiah, He said this:
Isaiah 50:1 – “Thus says the LORD: Where is your mother’s certificate of divorce, with which I sent her away?..for your iniquities…and for your transgressions…”
God is talking through the prophet Jeremiah this time:
Jeremiah 3:8 – “…for all the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, I had sent her away with a decree of divorce.”
No, God did not have a physical wife. But, He did get divorced, cutting off the intimate relationship and present blessings for His people, His bride, because they committed spiritual adultery. Yes, God will reconcile with Israel and still has future blessings for them; but He also was clearly divorced. And by the way: it caused Him incredible pain; because He loved His people so much. Believe it or not, God knows and understands the pain that those involved in divorce go through.
4. Divorce and remarriage is not always a sin for the “innocent” party
Although everyone tends to sin in some way when divorce happens, there are times when the Bible says there is an innocent party. And in those cases, it also allows for remarriage without sin. Now, please understand that people argue about these points, and many people will not agree with me; and that is o.k.
Jesus, in Matthew, allowed for an innocent party to be divorced, if the spouse was unfaithful. Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, allowed for an innocent party to be divorced, if the person, being a non-believer, deserted the spouse. In both cases, I believe that Bible allows for that person to also be re-married without sin. We are not spending a lot of time on this because Mark does not spend His time here. But, let’s be clear that divorce is not always sinful for both parties; nor is re-marriage after a divorce. We have to take all of the Scriptures into consideration when we are talking about these things.
If you get divorced for any other reason, have you sinned? Yes. If you get remarried as a divorced person or marry a divorce person, who does not fit into these “exceptions” in the Scriptures, have you sinned? Yes. The Bible is clear. We are not going to sugarcoat it. So, what should you do? Confess it and let God forgive you. And don’t let others act as though your sins cannot be forgiven; or that you are some sort of 2nd class Christian because of it. Your sin has been placed as far as the east is from the west, says God.
Some of you want to ask more questions: what about abuse, addictions to alcohol, pornography, etc.? Why aren’t those exceptions? I don’t know. I wish they were. They aren’t. However, that doesn’t mean that you have no options. If you are in a rough marriage, and don’t know what to do, we would love to sit down and talk to you about what God says about it. We would love to be of any help we can to you. No – we will not recommend divorce. In fact, we won’t even recommend divorce if your spouse has been unfaithful; but we will help you to sort it all out and come up with a plan. Our God is a God of hope, and a God of miracles. Don’t doubt what He can do.
Now, let me be clear on something else as we get ready to close. Although the sins of divorce and remarriage can be forgiven and spiritually wiped clean, there is a practical truth about these sins that are different than many other sins. There are natural consequences to divorce and re-marriage; and sometimes those consequences are terribly painful, seemingly unfair, and many times devastating – to many more people than just those who were married and now divorced; and perhaps married to someone else now.
You probably already know this, don’t you? There are some natural consequences to our actions, and it seems that the actions of divorce and remarriage bring consequences that never seem to go away; especially as it relates to the children caught up in the mess. Choosing God’s way is always the right way, the safest way, the way of wisdom, the way of blessing. And if you choose or if divorce is chosen for you, know that it will be difficult and painful; but God’s grace is still present.
When our service is done this morning, we can’t celebrate marriage without a reception, can we? So, all of you are invited to join us in the fellowship hall for some cake and punch. You will get the food and drink in the ministry room first, which is across from the nursery; and then carry it into the fellowship hall. There are only a couple tables set up for those of you who physically have to sit down. Otherwise, we are encouraging you to stand and fellowship while you eat and drink. Also, there are some wedding albums sitting around the interior walls of the fellowship hall; and we encourage you to look through them as you would like (without staining them with cake!) And if you brought one for display, feel free to take it with you once you leave for home today.
I encourage you to take the rest of the day and tonight to go spend with your spouse. Go on a date! If you want to use your date to come back to Madison Avenues evening service, feel free – Tim Konuch will be speaking. But, if you choose to spend the day and/or night with your spouse, you have made a great choice!
On the back of your outline this morning, I have listed a couple of good resources for those of you who would like to read a good book on marriage: Sacred Marriage; or I also included one by Jay Adams concerning divorce that I quoted in this message.
I have asked Shannon Dawson to come and sing the closing song this morning. And I just encourage you to listen to the words and contemplate on how gracious and merciful our God is, when it comes to our marriages. That, even though our lives could be described as “broken roads”, God brought you together as husband and wife – and that is something to thank Him for - something to praise Him for.
Let’s consider that now
Special: GOD BLESS THE BROKEN ROAD – Shannon Dawson
Prayer
If you would like to listen to an audio of this message (although I was having a terrible time with my voice) you can find that at www.gbcwestlake.org and click on listen now. This message was preached at Grace aptist Church on Sunday August 17th, 2008.
I STILL DO
Mark 10:1-16
Please turn in your Bible to Mark 10. In the Bible in front of you, it is page 875 or 893.
I admit that I come into this message with some fear and trembling. I want to be true to the Word of God; and yet I also know that this topic today touches some families more deeply than any other. Therefore, I want to be true to the entire Word of God, using the time I have allotted to me this morning to communicate what I can about this.
The issue is divorce and you probably already know the statistics. Over half of marriages end in divorce and I don’t think the percentages are any better for those married more than once. Divorce touches everyone’s life in some way. You have probably either been divorced, or your parents or grandparents have; or you have someone close to you that has been divorced or are dealing with the effects of divorce in their family.
Jay Adams, in his book, Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible, writes: “Contrary to some opinions, the concept of divorce is biblical. The Bible recognizes and regulates divorce. Certain provisions are made for it. This must be affirmed clearly and without hesitation. Because divorce is a biblical concept, used and referred to frequently in the pages of the Bible, Christians must do all they can to understand it and to teach what God, in his Word, says about it.”
It is important that we know what the Bible says about divorce. But, I want to warn you: my main purpose is to teach the principles laid out in these passages in Mark, since I am preaching through the book. I will not be able to answer every question about divorce in this message or look at every passage on it. That is not my purpose. However, I am going to talk about some of the other things the Bible has to say about divorce, so that we will have a better context for which to view the specifics of Mark 10. And we will emphasize the positive aspect that Jesus deals with: the covenant commitment – the life-long commitment of marriage.
Mark 10:1,2 – “And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again. And again, as was his custom, he taught them. And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”
Jesus continues his teaching to large crowds, but here the emphasis is not on what He was teaching. The emphasis is on the fact that wherever Jesus taught, you would usually find the Pharisees lurking. And, at every opportunity, they would pounce on something Jesus had said or introduce a question or accusation that might eventually cause Jesus to lose favor with the people; or cause Him to rebel against the Roman government; or do something that would allow them to get rid of him. Verse 2 tells us they asked this in order to test him; or trap him. They knew the divisive nature of that topic. It was hugely controversial back then, just as it is today in religious circles.
The Pharisees may have thought Jesus would contradict the Old Testament law (Deuteronomy 24), because they believed it was lawful, according to the Bible, to get a divorce. The Pharisees believed this permitted divorce, that the husband could initiate it and that they could get re-married – all according to the law, in their opinion.
One of the cultural things you need to know, was that, in that day, women were considered an object, a possession of the husband. According to Barclay: “She had no legal rights and was at the complete disposal of the male of the household. The result was that a man could divorce his wife on almost any grounds…”
But, there was huge disagreement over 2 particular schools of thought on the reasons for getting divorced. This may have been another reason they were asking Jesus this question. It is like 2 children coming to the parents with the same problem, hoping the parent would take their side. If they could get Jesus to take one side over the other, then perhaps there would be more opposition against Him.
Some held to the view of Rabbi Shammai who taught the more conservative view: that divorce was allowed only if the wife were guilty of sexual immorality. Others held to the view of Rabbi Hillel, who allowed a husband to divorce his wife for almost any reason.
The Pharisees had heard Jesus say in the past:
Matthew 5:31,32 – “It was also said, Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce. But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
According to pastor and commentator John MacArthur: “From His previous teaching, the Pharisees knew Jesus did not hold to the liberal view of divorce (that a man could divorce his wife for any reason). They now expected Him to take the same stand and thereby alienate and intimidate the many other Jews besides themselves who accepted the idea of divorce for any cause at all…
Ultimately, of course, they wanted to destroy Him. The clever Pharisees were well aware that Perea, where Jesus now ministered, was under the rule of Herod Antipas. He was the tetrarch who had John the Baptist imprisoned and eventually beheaded for condemning his unlawful marriage to Herodias, whom he had seduced away from his brother Philip. No doubt the Pharisees hoped that, by denouncing divorce for any cause at all, Jesus would thereby publicly condemn Herod’s adulterous relationship just as John had done – and suffer John’s fate.”
So, they asked this question of Jesus: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” They were hoping to get Jesus in trouble. Jesus, as He often did with these kinds of questions, responded with a question:
Mark 10:3– “He answered them, What did Moses command you?”
In other words: “What does the law of the Old Testament say?”
Mark 10:4 – “They said, Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.”
The human view of marriage: When it gets rough, find a way to escape.
Why? Because God allows for divorce.
I am going to explain to you the different views the religious leaders and people had of divorce. But, the bottom line is that they considered divorce an option; and a very viable one, since there was an Old Testament law attached to it. In fact, as human nature goes, over time people have come to view the laws of divorce as a great way to get out of a difficult marriage and then to move on with life and find someone else.
This is where all the controversy in that day came from. The law states this:
Deuteronomy 24:1 – “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house…”
The controversy surrounded the words from this verse. What did “find no favor in his eyes” mean; and what did “indecency” mean. The school of Shammai taught that this means that she was found to be sexually immoral and therefore he could divorce her. The school of Hillel taught that this meant that he simply was displeased by her and didn’t want to be married to her anymore; and all he had to do to be rid of her was to write the certificate of divorce.
According to this school of thought, you could divorce your wife if she: burned your dinner, was caught with her head uncovered in public, talked disrespectfully to your parents, was seen in public talking to another man; or even if she was not able to bear children; and there were more.
So, they wanted to know: Jesus, which side are you on? Because regardless of the side he chose, it would make him more despised by whatever school of thought He disagreed with. So, it seems they had Him trapped. But, not quite. Jesus seemed to know how to answer with truth, so that He wasn’t really agreeing with either of them. Many felt Deuteronomy 24 gave men complete freedom to divorce their wives as they desired; and that the law was there to take away any guilt or consequences for doing so.
But this commandment about divorce was not there to allow men to easily get out of their marriages. But, since the men were going to divorce their wives, the law provided protection for the women. By writing a certificate of divorce in the presence of witnesses, she would not be charged with adultery, therefore sparing her life. At that time, adultery on her part would bring death. Although in Jesus’ day, that was no longer the case, the Rabbi’s laws did urge a man to divorce his wife is she was unfaithful.
According to Barclay, the certificate of divorce read very simply: “Let this be from me thy writ of divorce and letter of dismissal and deed of liberation, that thou mayest marry whatsoever man thou wilt. In later days the certificate became more elaborate.” They focused on this piece of paper that gave them their freedom and made them feel like they had done their duty. They were wrong. Jesus now confronts their wrong thinking:
Mark 10:5 – “And Jesus said to them, Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.”
Jesus makes it clear what the reason was for the law in the first place. Yes, Moses, who wrote the law under God’s direction, did so because he recognized that divorce was happening; and to regulate it. However, he did not write the law to excuse divorce. He wrote it because men’s hearts were hardened to God’s original purpose for marriage. Since men rebelled against God’s purpose, the law was then written so that when men divorced their wives, and it was supposed to be only on the basis of marital infidelity, then the paperwork would be done with witnesses; and the wife could be protected and even released from guilt. They were allowed to divorce because they were not going to accept God’s plan. It is time now to look at:
God’s view of marriage: When it gets rough, find a way to stay together.
Why? Because since the beginning, His plan was for one man and one woman to be married for life.
There are 4 reasons why we know that “married for life” was God’s plan:
1. There was only one man and one woman created in the beginning, to be given to one another in marriage.
Mark 10:6 – “But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female.”
This is a part of God’s plan: one man, one woman in marriage. And this is the way God intended it since He created the first man and woman. If God intended for it to be one man and another man, he would have created it that way. One man and a little girl, one man and an animal, one man and multiple wives, or any other combination, God could have done it. But, God’ plan had to do with the fact that he created a single male and a single female, to bring them together as husband and wife for life.
Jay Adams wrote: “God did not put a parent and child into the garden. Adam and Eve were man and wife. That shows that the primary human relationship (and family relationship) is husband and wife. That is why a man must leave father and mother and cleave to his wife. The first relationship is temporary and must be broken; the second is permanent, and must not be broken.”
And Jesus emphasizes that permanence of the relationship in the next reason that “married for life” was God’s plan:
2. There were no parents for Adam and Eve to leave, so the “leaving and cleaving” is a principle laid down for all future generations.
Mark 10:7– “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife.”
This is pretty strong from Jesus here. The word for “hold fast” or “cleave” refers to a strong bonding together, as a strong glue or cement. Family is important; but at some point, for most people, this is God’s plan. The man and woman leave their family and create a new one together. The third reason we see that “married for life” was God’s plan is that:
3. In God’s eyes, the two distinct people become one person.
Mark 10:8 - “And they shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh.”
Not only does the couple come away from their families, but they also become one flesh. The two become one. And this tells you how serious God is about one man and one woman coming together for life. In His eyes, in His plan, there is no undoing of the marriage covenant. The idea of this phrase: “shall become one flesh” is very strong, as the cement or glue (the holding fast from vs. 7) - that holds two things together. In order to separate those two things, because of the strength of the glue, there would have to be tearing; and if you did separate them, there would be damage done, just like in a real life divorce.
As John MacArthur puts it: “When a man and woman are joined in marriage, they are indivisible and inseparable, except through death.” That was God’s plan.
And that is why Jesus adds the next strong warning and we find the fourth reason that: “married for life” was God’s plan:
4. Every marriage is made in Heaven.
I realize that because of people’s personal experiences, they might not think this to be true. But, that doesn’t take away the truth of this next statement:
Mark 10:9 – “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
God has joined every couple that makes the covenant promise to one another – together. It is God’s work. That is a pretty strong statement, isn’t it? He put this man and woman with one another, and He never, ever makes mistakes. So, Jesus commanded: You don’t take apart what God has put together. Tough statement – but it is what He said.
And His plan has not changed. It didn’t change when Moses wrote the law. It didn’t change when the Pharisees asked Him these difficult questions. It didn’t change when Paul wrote about marriage and divorce; and it still has not changed 2,000 years later. God’s plan is that you stay married for life.
In God’s eyes, there are no irreconcilable differences. There are some marriages that seemed hopeless - that have been reconciled, only by the grace and mercy and miracle of God! Every husband and wife are different from one another; and sometimes that drives us absolutely crazy. Sometimes Teresa will say to me: I don’t understand you. And I will reply: And I don’t understand you either! And marriage can sometimes get very rough, and discouraging and hard.
But, hear what Jesus said: “What God put together, let no man separate.”
You have probably heard of the man who told his wife who wanted to know if he loved her: “I told you I loved you when we got married 30 years ago, and I’ll let you know if I change my mind!” But, that is not the way it should be, is it?
We know that God’s plan of one man and one woman for life is not what most people experience; and that doesn’t mean that those divorced didn’t fully believe their vows. But, this should not keep us from celebrating God’s plan. We should take time to confirm: this was God’s plan from the beginning; and hopefully, all of us, regardless of our current situation; are willing to say: this is God’s plan, and I will do everything I can to uphold it presently in my life.
So, it is appropriate for us to take some time this morning to celebrate what God meant marriage to be. We don’t need to be ashamed of God’s plan. We know the world has its perspective on the sanctity of marriage and pretty much laughs at how serious God is about His plan. But, as a part of the Body of Christ, we can affirm, that although we still fail in our commitments, we believe that this is God’s plan; and is therefore the best plan, the safest plan, and the plan that leads to His blessing.
SO WHAT? Tell your spouse, on a regular basis: I STILL DO
We know the traditional wedding vows end with the commitment: I DO. But, don’t let that be the last time your spouse hears you say that. This morning, I would like to encourage you, if you are married, to say: I STILL DO; and confirm that we believe this is God’s plan; and we are committed to it.
Even if your marriage is not perfect (and whose is?) and even though your marriage might not be close to dissolving (and hopefully it isn’t), I would like to encourage you to say this to one another today. Even if this is not your first marriage, but you want it to be your last, then please participate. If you signed up to participate today, then we have a certificate to give you to commemorate this special occasion. They will be on a table just outside the worship center doors as you leave this morning. Please pick it up on your way out. They are in alphabetical order of your last name. But, even if you didn’t sign up, you can choose right now to participate anyway. If you choose not to, that doesn’t mean you have a bad marriage. It just means you decided to support everyone else rather than participate yourself – no big deal.
For those of you who are single or divorced, this is not meant to make you feel badly. This is meant to uplift God’s original plan; and for all of to say of His plan: It is good. I encourage you to support and encourage and pray for those who are re-committing to one another again today.
So, if you are married, let me encourage you to sit close to your spouse and enjoy this time together. If you are separated by your children right now, climb over them, push them aside and snuggle close! This is your time. Before I encourage you to repeat some I STILL DO vows, I have asked John Jacobs to sing a song that commemorates this ceremony:
Special: HOLDING HANDS – John Jacobs
I had thought about making these the vows for today: for both the husband and wife to say to one another.
I STILL DO – even when you’re grumpy, even when you have the flu
Even when you leave the clothes on the floor, or forget to clean up
Even when you misplace my favorite cup – I STILL DO
Even when you make mistakes, mess up, blow it, and sin
Even when you’re struggling with God – I STILL DO – even then
I STILL DO – when you go through tough days, and nothing seems to be right
Even when you wear unmatched clothes, and your pants are now too tight
Even when we disagree, and we don’t see eye to eye
Of course you’re wrong and I am right – but I’ll even let that pass by
As the years pass on, we grow older and things keeping changing
There is one thing in my life I have no desire for rearranging
No matter what life may bring us, no matter what we may go through
I’m in this for the long haul – forever; never forget that…
I STILL DO
But, I decided not to use those for our vows today. Many of you wrote your own vows for your wedding. I know we did; and those are special and unique to you. Many of you used the traditional vows, and that is what I would like to use this morning for our I STILL DO vows – with a couple things added in. So, if you are a couple that would like to participate in this today, would you please stand…next to your spouse!
Would you please turn toward one another, and hold hands?
Husbands: please repeat after me, as you speak these words to your wife:
I still choose to have you as my wife
I still want you to be my wife
To have and to hold
For better or for worse
For richer, for poorer
In sickness and in health
To love and cherish
To grow with in holiness
Until death do us part
I Still DO
Wives: please repeat after me:
I still choose to have you as my husband
I still want you to be my husband
To have and to hold
For better or for worse
For richer, for poorer
In sickness and in health
To love and cherish
To grow with in holiness
Until death do us part
I Still DO
And this is the best part: I am going to kiss my wife, so guys: please feel free to do likewise – don’t kiss my wife, but you can kiss yours!
THE KISS
Thank you – you may be seated. I really believe we are right in confirming what Jesus said about the permanence of marriage in this passage by what you have just done. But, that was not enough for the disciples – they had more questions:
Mark 10:10 – “And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter.”
I bet they had a lot of questions! But, we just have one major issue recorded here, which Jesus talked to them about:
Mark 10:11,12 – “And he said to them, Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
These are some of those verses that I would put in a category of: I wish Jesus never said these things. These are hard statements. Maybe not for you; but for those who have been divorced, those who want to be re-married, those of us who counsel people in these difficult circumstances: this is hard! However, this is what Jesus said, and you cannot really get around it.
This does not include the exception clauses which are not in Mark, but in other places of Scripture. We will touch on those later. The emphasis here is that if a man or woman decided to separate what God has put together, then he or she is not to remarry. Because if they do, they are sinning again through adultery.
You can try to interpret this differently, but it is biblically impossible to make it say something else. God says this is sin, if you get divorced and then remarry.
Jesus made sure they knew that this applied to men as well as women. Men were not getting a pass here. When the Pharisees asked about getting a divorce, some of them believed the men were guiltless and because of the law of Moses, could do whatever they chose, without penalty – not true! With Roman readers of Mark’s gospel, many of whom did not have the Jewish law, they needed to read that this applied to a woman seeking divorce just like a man. The principles and commands in the Bible referring to divorce and remarriage apply equally to men and women today. Don’t think that because it doesn’t use the word man in one place or woman in the other, that it doesn’t apply to you. The words were chosen to communicate to a particular culture.
Although Mark does not deal with divorce completely, I think it is necessary that I talk to you for a few minutes about some of the issues Mark does not include. Otherwise, if you only read what Mark has to say, you could leave confused; and even have the wrong idea of what God says about divorce.
Jay Adams wrote: “It is altogether true that God hates divorce. But He neither hates all divorces in the same way nor hates every aspect of divorce. He hates what occasions every divorce…he hates the results that often flow to children and to injured parties of a divorce…but that leaves some things about divorce that He does not hate. He certainly does not condemn or hate divorce proceedings per se (as a process). Nor does He hate divorce when it is obtained according to the principles and regulations laid down in the Scriptures and which he followed in His dealings with unfaithful Israel.”
Every divorce includes sin. I didn’t say every divorce is a sin; but every divorce includes sin. God’s plan is that we stay married for life, but there are sinful human beings involved in these relationships, so there is going to be failure; and it seems, at least half of the time, there is going to be divorce. It happens. And when it happens, you can be sure that one or both people involved sinned in the process. They obviously both sinned during their marriage, but at least one of them sinned in getting the divorce. Either the person seeking the divorce or the person being divorced was guilty of sin.
Let me say a word or two to those of you have gone through the tragedy of divorce. I know that some of those who have gone through a divorce have felt ostracized in their churches. They have been made to feel like 2nd class citizens, as though they have committed the unpardonable sin. But, I want to be clear here; and I want to encourage you.
No one, when they are married, intends to be divorced. That is obvious. You said your vows just like everyone else, that probably included the words: “until death do us part.” But, tough times came; and it may even be that the other person was the offending party, and all of sudden, what you never thought about when you walked down that aisle was a reality in your life. And there was incredible pain involved; and that pain may still be very fresh, even today.
Can I remind you of a couple very important biblical principles? First of all:
1. All sins can be forgiven. If you sinned in the process of the divorce, it can be forgiven. If you sinned by getting remarried, it can be forgiven. Why do people think that divorce is the sin that continues on and on and on, as though God doesn’t cleanse the guilt of that sin like He does any other? Why do people sometimes look at you as though you have a scarlet A on your dress? God doesn’t look at you that way. Here is the truth:
I John 1:9 – “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Notice that verse did not say cleanse us from our sins (except divorce) – did it? If you agree with God about the sins you committed in the divorce and possible remarriage, you are forgiven. Did you hear what the Scripture says? You are forgiven. Believe it…and live like it.
2. Those who sinned in divorce and remarriage have not committed a greater sin than others
In other words, divorce is not at the top of the list of the sins God hates. Now, we do know from the book of Malachi that God hates divorce. But, read the list of things God hates from the Old Testament book of Proverbs:
Proverbs 6:16-19 – “There are six things that the LORD hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.”
Guess what? Divorce didn’t make the list. But, some other things are on the list. What about the haughty eyes of someone who looks down on divorced people? What about these other sins that many other people commit – God hates these!
Now, read the other lists in the New Testament that give a rundown of some terrible sins.
There are lists of sins in Galatians 5, I Corinthians 6; Romans 1; and in Revelation 21, just to name a few. And guess what? Divorce and remarriage don’t appear in any of these lists. I’m not trying to tell you that people don’t sin often in divorce or that remarriage is not often a sin. What I am telling you is that the Bible does not put divorce and remarriage apart as something more sinful than any of the other sins that you and I commit every day.
I have heard people make the comment that divorce is worse than any other because our marriages are to be a picture of Christ and the Church. It is true, according to the Scriptures, that marriages are to be that picture and divorce distorts it. No doubt about it. But, the Bible also says that every individual Christian is to be like Christ; and every time we sin, we distort people’s view, not only of Christianity, but of Jesus Christ Himself. They are both distortions, sin always is; but the Bible does not say divorce and remarriage are worse than what the rest of us struggle through.
3. God is divorced. Yes – God went through divorce. You don’t believe me?
When God talks to His chosen people through His prophet Isaiah, He said this:
Isaiah 50:1 – “Thus says the LORD: Where is your mother’s certificate of divorce, with which I sent her away?..for your iniquities…and for your transgressions…”
God is talking through the prophet Jeremiah this time:
Jeremiah 3:8 – “…for all the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, I had sent her away with a decree of divorce.”
No, God did not have a physical wife. But, He did get divorced, cutting off the intimate relationship and present blessings for His people, His bride, because they committed spiritual adultery. Yes, God will reconcile with Israel and still has future blessings for them; but He also was clearly divorced. And by the way: it caused Him incredible pain; because He loved His people so much. Believe it or not, God knows and understands the pain that those involved in divorce go through.
4. Divorce and remarriage is not always a sin for the “innocent” party
Although everyone tends to sin in some way when divorce happens, there are times when the Bible says there is an innocent party. And in those cases, it also allows for remarriage without sin. Now, please understand that people argue about these points, and many people will not agree with me; and that is o.k.
Jesus, in Matthew, allowed for an innocent party to be divorced, if the spouse was unfaithful. Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, allowed for an innocent party to be divorced, if the person, being a non-believer, deserted the spouse. In both cases, I believe that Bible allows for that person to also be re-married without sin. We are not spending a lot of time on this because Mark does not spend His time here. But, let’s be clear that divorce is not always sinful for both parties; nor is re-marriage after a divorce. We have to take all of the Scriptures into consideration when we are talking about these things.
If you get divorced for any other reason, have you sinned? Yes. If you get remarried as a divorced person or marry a divorce person, who does not fit into these “exceptions” in the Scriptures, have you sinned? Yes. The Bible is clear. We are not going to sugarcoat it. So, what should you do? Confess it and let God forgive you. And don’t let others act as though your sins cannot be forgiven; or that you are some sort of 2nd class Christian because of it. Your sin has been placed as far as the east is from the west, says God.
Some of you want to ask more questions: what about abuse, addictions to alcohol, pornography, etc.? Why aren’t those exceptions? I don’t know. I wish they were. They aren’t. However, that doesn’t mean that you have no options. If you are in a rough marriage, and don’t know what to do, we would love to sit down and talk to you about what God says about it. We would love to be of any help we can to you. No – we will not recommend divorce. In fact, we won’t even recommend divorce if your spouse has been unfaithful; but we will help you to sort it all out and come up with a plan. Our God is a God of hope, and a God of miracles. Don’t doubt what He can do.
Now, let me be clear on something else as we get ready to close. Although the sins of divorce and remarriage can be forgiven and spiritually wiped clean, there is a practical truth about these sins that are different than many other sins. There are natural consequences to divorce and re-marriage; and sometimes those consequences are terribly painful, seemingly unfair, and many times devastating – to many more people than just those who were married and now divorced; and perhaps married to someone else now.
You probably already know this, don’t you? There are some natural consequences to our actions, and it seems that the actions of divorce and remarriage bring consequences that never seem to go away; especially as it relates to the children caught up in the mess. Choosing God’s way is always the right way, the safest way, the way of wisdom, the way of blessing. And if you choose or if divorce is chosen for you, know that it will be difficult and painful; but God’s grace is still present.
When our service is done this morning, we can’t celebrate marriage without a reception, can we? So, all of you are invited to join us in the fellowship hall for some cake and punch. You will get the food and drink in the ministry room first, which is across from the nursery; and then carry it into the fellowship hall. There are only a couple tables set up for those of you who physically have to sit down. Otherwise, we are encouraging you to stand and fellowship while you eat and drink. Also, there are some wedding albums sitting around the interior walls of the fellowship hall; and we encourage you to look through them as you would like (without staining them with cake!) And if you brought one for display, feel free to take it with you once you leave for home today.
I encourage you to take the rest of the day and tonight to go spend with your spouse. Go on a date! If you want to use your date to come back to Madison Avenues evening service, feel free – Tim Konuch will be speaking. But, if you choose to spend the day and/or night with your spouse, you have made a great choice!
On the back of your outline this morning, I have listed a couple of good resources for those of you who would like to read a good book on marriage: Sacred Marriage; or I also included one by Jay Adams concerning divorce that I quoted in this message.
I have asked Shannon Dawson to come and sing the closing song this morning. And I just encourage you to listen to the words and contemplate on how gracious and merciful our God is, when it comes to our marriages. That, even though our lives could be described as “broken roads”, God brought you together as husband and wife – and that is something to thank Him for - something to praise Him for.
Let’s consider that now
Special: GOD BLESS THE BROKEN ROAD – Shannon Dawson
Prayer
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Communicating for a Change: Book Review
One of the blessings of vacation is that I normally get a little time to read some books I have been wanting to read or finish. One such book was Communicating for a Change by Andy Stanley and Lane Jones. I really appreciate Andy's writing and what I have learned of his ministry. A couple of months ago, Steve (my associate) and I were able to go to his DRIVE conference and thoroughly enjoyed it. So, I was looking forward to reading this book that I knew would challenge my communication style as it relates to preaching God's Word.
These words in the introduction give away a basic goal of his in preaching: "Every time I stand to communicate I want to take one simple truth and lodge it in the heart of the listener. I want them to know that one thing and know what to do with it." The rest of the book explains why this is important and how to go about doing it.
What I also enjoyed about one of his other books, that he wrote with Lane, is that the first half of the book is told in story form, but it lays out the basic components of process that he is trying to communicate. In this case, a pastor is sent to learn about preaching from a truck driver. It is a very easy and interesting read. The second half of the book goes through and explains in more detail the points brought up in the telling of the story.
In this section, he begins by saying that every communicator needs to determine what his goal is in speaking. This sounds simplistic, as do most of his major points, but they challenge what most communicators actually do, including me. He said most communicators have 1 of 3 goals for speaking: Teach the Bible to people; teach people the Bible; or teach people how to live a life that reflects the values, principles, and truths of the Bible: life change. This last one is the one he suggests, and the one that captures my heart.
I realized that some of what he is talking about has been something I have been wrestling with in the past, making it a part of my regular preaching. "When you commit to preach for life change, your preparation is not complete until you have answered two very important questions: So what? and Now what?" That statement made me feel like I am doing something right, by emphasizing the SO WHAT? question in most messages.
I was challenged most, however, in the section entitled: pick a point. This is the hardest one for me to apply. I have been trained and used to a point by point style of preaching, usually emphasizing 3 or more points in a message. Stanley wrote this rebuke: "If life change is your goal, point by point preaching is not the most effective approach." He suggests that you should pick one and only one point, going through this process: "dig until you find it; build everything around it; and make it stick."
There are several other things in the book that were helpful to me; and I will work at incorporating some of them into my preaching as time goes on. It is a book I would encourage any communicator to pick up and read. There are some simple principles that can help make us more effective communcators for the glory of God.
As I read this book and others like it (especially about ministry), I am reminded that we all have more to learn, we can all improve; and there are no perfect methods, styles, or books. But, if we will humbly desire to keep learning and growing in every aspect of life and ministry, I believe God will be honored, and others will be blessed.
These words in the introduction give away a basic goal of his in preaching: "Every time I stand to communicate I want to take one simple truth and lodge it in the heart of the listener. I want them to know that one thing and know what to do with it." The rest of the book explains why this is important and how to go about doing it.
What I also enjoyed about one of his other books, that he wrote with Lane, is that the first half of the book is told in story form, but it lays out the basic components of process that he is trying to communicate. In this case, a pastor is sent to learn about preaching from a truck driver. It is a very easy and interesting read. The second half of the book goes through and explains in more detail the points brought up in the telling of the story.
In this section, he begins by saying that every communicator needs to determine what his goal is in speaking. This sounds simplistic, as do most of his major points, but they challenge what most communicators actually do, including me. He said most communicators have 1 of 3 goals for speaking: Teach the Bible to people; teach people the Bible; or teach people how to live a life that reflects the values, principles, and truths of the Bible: life change. This last one is the one he suggests, and the one that captures my heart.
I realized that some of what he is talking about has been something I have been wrestling with in the past, making it a part of my regular preaching. "When you commit to preach for life change, your preparation is not complete until you have answered two very important questions: So what? and Now what?" That statement made me feel like I am doing something right, by emphasizing the SO WHAT? question in most messages.
I was challenged most, however, in the section entitled: pick a point. This is the hardest one for me to apply. I have been trained and used to a point by point style of preaching, usually emphasizing 3 or more points in a message. Stanley wrote this rebuke: "If life change is your goal, point by point preaching is not the most effective approach." He suggests that you should pick one and only one point, going through this process: "dig until you find it; build everything around it; and make it stick."
There are several other things in the book that were helpful to me; and I will work at incorporating some of them into my preaching as time goes on. It is a book I would encourage any communicator to pick up and read. There are some simple principles that can help make us more effective communcators for the glory of God.
As I read this book and others like it (especially about ministry), I am reminded that we all have more to learn, we can all improve; and there are no perfect methods, styles, or books. But, if we will humbly desire to keep learning and growing in every aspect of life and ministry, I believe God will be honored, and others will be blessed.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
BUT GOD NEVER TAKES A VACATION!
We are in the midst of a 2 week family vacation. But, even as we greatly enjoy this time, I am aware that there are pastors and friends of mine who do not take vacations. Although there are a variety of reasons, the one that challenges me the most goes something like this: "I just can't take vacation. I have too much to do here at the church. Besides, if I leave, the church might fall apart!" I admit that there have been times when I have wondered if I should take the vacation weeks I am offered by the gracious people of Grace Baptist church.
I no longer think about it. I do consider the timing of the vacation, as it relates to what is happening at church, or in relation to other staff. However, I do not wrestle any longer with any guilt over leaving for a few days, a week, or even a couple of weeks. But, what if things go wrong at church? How can I take vacation when others in my church, including church leaders, do not get as much vacation time? How can I "take time off" when God never does?
It is pretty simple, as far as I am concerned. I must have "time away", in order to be recharged and be most effective in my ministry. It is not about how far away I travel. It is about not being in the office or responsible for ministry during a period of time. It is not about spending money, because vacations can be done without much cost. It is not about selfishness, because investing time in my family is one of the most important things I can do. In fact, I could argue that taking the time away from ministry makes an invaluable impact on my family; which is very difficult to measure.
I have heard of many pastor's families that eventually struggle because the pastor simple does not take the time to be with them for extended periods of time. I realize that we must not just rely on one vacation a year to make up for neglect during the year. I would agree that it is just as important or more important, even, to spend time with family throughout the year, finding ways to let them know how important they are.
For me, it means taking one day off a week and being available to my family. During the summer months, we try to go places together on my day off and make the most of it. It means being home more nights than I am out. It means I will not be able to do all I could do in ministry, or that other guys do; and yet I believe I am doing the most important things. Just my opinion.
So, to all my non-vacationing friends who are making more hospital calls and visiting door to door and spending the extra 20 hours on their messages: "Take some time off, go play with your kids, take your family on a trip, enjoy being with them, Let them know how important they are to you - more important than your minsitry - and leave your ministry in God's hands. I'm pretty sure He can handle it!"
I no longer think about it. I do consider the timing of the vacation, as it relates to what is happening at church, or in relation to other staff. However, I do not wrestle any longer with any guilt over leaving for a few days, a week, or even a couple of weeks. But, what if things go wrong at church? How can I take vacation when others in my church, including church leaders, do not get as much vacation time? How can I "take time off" when God never does?
It is pretty simple, as far as I am concerned. I must have "time away", in order to be recharged and be most effective in my ministry. It is not about how far away I travel. It is about not being in the office or responsible for ministry during a period of time. It is not about spending money, because vacations can be done without much cost. It is not about selfishness, because investing time in my family is one of the most important things I can do. In fact, I could argue that taking the time away from ministry makes an invaluable impact on my family; which is very difficult to measure.
I have heard of many pastor's families that eventually struggle because the pastor simple does not take the time to be with them for extended periods of time. I realize that we must not just rely on one vacation a year to make up for neglect during the year. I would agree that it is just as important or more important, even, to spend time with family throughout the year, finding ways to let them know how important they are.
For me, it means taking one day off a week and being available to my family. During the summer months, we try to go places together on my day off and make the most of it. It means being home more nights than I am out. It means I will not be able to do all I could do in ministry, or that other guys do; and yet I believe I am doing the most important things. Just my opinion.
So, to all my non-vacationing friends who are making more hospital calls and visiting door to door and spending the extra 20 hours on their messages: "Take some time off, go play with your kids, take your family on a trip, enjoy being with them, Let them know how important they are to you - more important than your minsitry - and leave your ministry in God's hands. I'm pretty sure He can handle it!"
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