20 LESSONS IN 20 YEARS: LESSON 12

Lesson 12: I have learned to repent

Lesson 11 was about learning to repeat; and this idea of repenting is certainly something I have had to repeat, and repeat, and repeat again. At first sound, the word repent sounds like something that should be reserved for those terrible sinners who need to repent before they spend eternity in Hell. It has the ring of a street preacher who is yelling the word incessantly. It has the image of a sidewalk protester who is holding a sign using the word repent connected to something they disagree with; and God might as well. But the idea of repentance, the biblical idea, is stronger and broader in its application that Christians have traditionally viewed it.

Repentance is about change. It is a change of mind. It is a change of direction. It is different than confession. To confess means to "say the same thing". In biblical context, when we confess our sins, we are saying that we agree with how God views our actions, our words, our thoughts - that they are against Him, in violation of His Word. We might even list the specific sins, but it is in the agreement we have about those sins that there is true confession. There is a difference between a child, for example, who agrees at a parents insistence that she did not tell the truth, and actually saying the same thing about her lying that God does - agreeing with God about it.

Repentance takes this a crucial step further. Repentance focuses on a 180 degree turn. If you were going in the direction of lying, you know turn the opposite direction and start telling the truth, even becoming known as a truth teller. Repentance is not just a one time confessing of sin, but the beginning of living in opposition to that sin - a real heart and life change. This is only something God's Spirit can do; but it also includes our willingness to be changed, to live differently. We think about it differently, and pursue a very different path as it relates to that particular thing.

Repentance is for non-believers as they first come to Christ and their lives are forever changed. But repentance is also for believers, as we continue to struggle with sin, our old nature, and need to constantly turn from it. Repentance is for pastors, who are real people, real followers of Jesus, and need real, continual repentance. This took me a long time to realize and to put into action in my life. I thought repentance would bring criticism and disappointment from others, and bring shame to God. I thought repentance would take me out of ministry, especially if I was repenting about something that people didn't think pastors should struggle with.

I have learned to repent. And in doing so, there are some key aspects that have helped me in the continual process of repentance:

• It is about pleasing God not impressing others
• True repentance brings God's blessing, despite the consequences from others
• Modeling true repentance is one of the most important things you can do for your children and the people of the church you serve
• The more secret, the more scandalized, the more sensitive the sin, the more important it is to bring it out into the light and turn from it
• I must die to myself daily; and often that will require for me to turn from sin - for the long haul - to live differently. The process will not end until I see Jesus.
• It is not about shame, but about bringing glory to God, and boasting in the cross of Jesus!

20 LESSONS IN 20 YEARS: LESSON 11

Lesson 11: I have learned to repeat, I have learned to repeat, I have learned to repeat...

Repetition is a good thing. Most teachers I know have not only taught that but practiced it. This is how I have learned what I have learned, and still remember different things today - because it was repeated. It makes sense. The same is true in all areas of life and ministry. And over these 20 years of being a pastor, I have learned that I need to repeat things, and that it is not only o.k. to repeat, but crucial to learning and application. So, when I am tempted to feel badly that I am saying something again and again and again, I try to remember that saying it again is the reason why it is being learned and applied. Saying it once and thinking it will stick is naïve.

One of the cool things I have seen over the years is people talking about and doing some of the things I have repeated and repeated and repeated. Without initiating it myself, it is rewarding when I realize that what I have repeated is now being repeated by others. And as long as what is repeated is honoring to God, and furthers His purposes, then it is all good! So, having learned that (or still learning it), I thought I would repeat my first 10 lessons learned from these 20 years of ministry. And perhaps, as you re-read this list, it may encourage or challenge you with the things God has been teaching you. I know it was helpful for me just to read these again:

Lesson 1: I have learned to boast in God, my weaknesses, and the cross of Jesus
Lesson 2: I have learned to be transparent
Lesson 3: I have learned to preach to myself before preaching to others
Lesson 4: I have learned to give people and the hurtful things they say, to God
Lesson 5: I have learned that everyone need to be disciple
Lesson 6: I have learned that this is God's church
Lesson 7: I have learned to listen
Lesson 8: I have learned to worship
Lesson 9: I have learned to be at home at night
Lesson 10: I have learned what I thought I learned I haven't learned

JUDGING JUDGES

Today, I began reading through the book of Judges, along with everyone in our church that is reading through the Bible in a year. We are just reading it straight through. That brings us to Judges! There are many interesting stories in Judges, and some that may make the first time reader wonder out loud: "What did that just say? Did they really do that? Why?" If these scenes were realistically played out in a movie, it would definitely receive an "R" rating for sexual content and violence and mature subject matter. Reading it makes it seem more tame; and yet it is still quite an "eye full"!

So, what are a couple of things to keep in mind as we read through Judges; and if you are reading with your children, what might be helpful? One thing that you will be able to recognize in the book of Judges is a cycle that occurs over and over in the book. The cycle refers to how the nation of Israel responds to God, and how He responds to them.

The cycle looks something like this: Sin, judgment, confession, deliverance through a judge, time of peace, sin again. Israel will turn away from God, and as promised God will send them into bondage. Later, the people will cry out to God in repentance, and God will raise up a deliverer, a judge, to deliver his people. They are delivered and have a time of peace. But eventually, and predictably, they turn, once again, to their sin; and the cycle begins again. It can be very frustrating, until we are honest and remember that we pretty much do the same thing!

If you are reading it with your children, that is awesome! Yes, there are some tough things in Scripture, but there is no one better to lead your children through the Scriptures than you. It also forces you, as you already know, to think, to study, and to navigate through some tricky conversations (the younger your children, the more tricky those conversations are)!

You can show them this cycle, mentioned above; and also point out, that even though these judges were used by God, it doesn't mean they always did the right thing in the way they went about it. The judges were sinful as well. Take the opportunity to help them point out sin, and the trouble it causes. Also, take them to the end of the book, which explains not only what was happening in the book, but what will happen later:

Judges 21:25 - "In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as they saw fit."

The fact that everyone did what was right in their own eyes explains why we read what we read in Judges. Additionally, we see that when a king does come in Israel's future, that king is to lead people to honor and worship God.

Happy reading (and talking and questions and explaining)!

20 LESSONS IN 20 YEARS: LESSON 10

Lesson 10: I have learned what I thought I learned I haven't learned
No, it's not a typo; but I actually meant to write this down for lesson 10. Does it make sense? Let me explain. Over these past 20 years, I have learned quite a bit. But one of the important things in learning is to realize that there is always more to learn. It is one of those things I look for in a mature disciple of Jesus: he/she understands that there is always another "next step" to take in the spiritual journey. There is always more to grow in, more to learn. To me, that defines maturity. I think it is summed up well by the Apostle Paul:

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

That is the attitude I hope to have when it comes to learning as a pastor. As soon as I think I have learned something, a circumstance will arise that reminds me that maybe I haven't fully learned it yet. But, I need to continue have the desire to learn, and keep pursuing it. I can't rest on what I learned in the past, good or bad; but learn from the past and move forward to more learning.

Whether it is in changing locations of ministry, or roles, or even just coming back the next week, in the same ministry and role...something always changes. To think that you can keep doing what you have always done in every area of ministry every time will lead to death - either yours or the church. To think I have learned how to best minister in some way to people and that it will always be that way is ministry suicide. It is not static. It is fluid; and it is one of the things I have learned.

So, to sum up what I am trying to say: Keep learning, keep evaluating, keep striving, keep thinking, keep asking questions, keep praying; and keep humble. That is what I have learned...I think.

20 LESSONS IN 20 YEARS: LESSON 9

I feel like I could write a new lesson every week I live and pastor, because I continue to learn and re-learn...and re-learn...and then learn again! This list is in no particular order; but as I consider this topic, each week, it is not very difficult to think of another lesson I have learned...or better yet, am still learning.

Lesson 9: I have learned to be at home at night

At first look, this might not seem like a big deal. I mean, where else are you going to be at night? Is this the idea that you should sleep at home rather than staying up all night, or our at a night club? Of course not. Then, what does this mean? I have found that being a pastor and having the priority of family is not easy. Even though we certainly preach the importance and priority of family, I know many pastors who allow ministry, with others, to take the key priority and the family gets whatever is left over. Very early on, I made the commitment that this would not happen to me, to my family.

Teresa and I have talked about this issue often, and as far as I know, she and the children still feel like they are a top priority. But, it doesn't mean that this is never a challenge; or that it couldn't easily change, if I am not careful. Making family a priority over the ministry is hard. Here are some reasons why:

• There is no time card, or set schedule. There is always more time that could be spent in ministry
• There always tends to be something urgent to attend to in ministry
• Doing ministry in an excellent takes a lot of time and hard work
• There are some famous examples of pastors who put the ministry over their family
• Comparisons with other churches will sometimes cause pastors to do whatever is necessary to "keep up"

I have been tempted by all of these things; but in the end, atleast in principle, I have come away knowing and believing that my family is more important than any of these things. I love ministry and I love the people I am serving; but I love my family more. This is a fluid issue, and it always needs attention, but here are some of the things I have learned and tried to implement, to keep my family a higher priority:

• Try to eat dinner with the family every night
• Be at home most evenings to be with the family
• Take my wife on regular dates
• Take my children on regular dates
• Talk to my wife and children about personal, meaningful, spiritual growth issues
• Be there for special events for my wife and children
• Take a day off each week to focus on family
• Go on vacation together
• Pray for the family every day
• Pray with the family and spend time talking about God and His Word
• Serve together
• Laugh and play together

I'm sure I am leaving some things out; but I have learned that, outside of my personal relationship with God, there is nothing more important than family. My ministry location and specific role may change through the years; but family remains (unless we neglect them for "more important" things)!
I am so thankful for my family, and I hope to continue to live that way.

20 LESSONS IN 20 YEARS: LESSON 8

Lesson 8: I have learned to worship
Does that sound strange? It seemed strange writing those words. What does it mean?
I suppose I need to define the words first. The idea that "I have learned" anything may sound like I have it figured out. The opposite is true. I should probably re-word all of these to say that "I am learning", because it is a continual learning process for me in every area. I define worship as: "responding to who God is and what He has done by giving myself completely to Him."

This is a life long learning process; but by God's grace, I have come a long way. And just because I have been a pastor for so many years certainly does not mean that I automatically knew how to worship, and never really struggled with it. There are a variety of areas of worship, especially as it concerns life worship that I have had to learn. One of those areas has to do with responding to God through musical worship.

When I was growing up and into my adult years, my laid back personality and conservative roots led me to worship in a fairly somber way. Regardless of the song I was singing, I might sing out loudly, but never really use any other part of my body to respond to God and His awesome truth. I would keep my eyes open, my hands at my side, my body in stillness; and if my foot started to involuntarily twitch, I would try to control it!

I used to look at people who expressed themselves in worship as "charismatic" and therefore, according to my tradition, out of whack biblically, and in need of some composure. But, over the years, I have come to admire and appreciate those, charismatic or not, who are willing to celebrate God and His truth, not just with their voices, but all of their heart and soul, in biblically appropriate responses.

I did also learn that once you express yourself in worship, publicly, that there will be stares, open comments, and even some behind the back ones. It comes with the territory for worshipers who are attempting to be faithful to God by worshiping in "spirit and in truth." And since I love being behind the scenes, and not be noticed by anyone, it has been especially hard for me to get used to. My focus has been on the God I am worshiping rather than on the people I would love to please.

So, here are some of the ways God has taught me to worship (through times of music), to respond to Him:

• close my eyes
• bow my head
• raise my hands (all different levels! - I picture Tim Hawkins presentation of hand raising-funny)
• pray while others are singing
• singing at the top of my lungs even if I have a bad voice
• tap my feet
• clap my hands 
• in different ways, at different times, according to how I sense God leading
• with full focus on God rather than on what others might think