2009 New Year's Resolutions

Instead of thinking about my defined list of New Year's resolutions, I am thinking about 2009 New Year's Resolutions. This is not because of the particular year; but because I feel like I have, at least, 2009 things I need to work on. Recently, I have been made aware of many of my deficiencies. I have a ton of things that could be made into resolutions for the new year; and yet how long should that list be? I know that if I make the list too long, I will never accomplish it, or even stick with any part of it, if I am overwhelmed.

So, what should I do? I could try to do them all anyway. I could just forget it this year and not make any new goals. OR, I could focus on just a few things, and really gve myself to growing in those ways this next year. That means that I need to identify those few things. It means I need to be content with working on just a few things off the long list of my weaknesses. It means trusting that God knows what He is doing; and that He can do much more than I could ever think or imagine.

Maybe that is what I should do. Take one thing at a time, and give myself to it. Instead of feeling defeated because I didn't accomplish everything, I can be encouraged because progress will be able to be seen (at least by me) in at least one area at a time. So, Lord, where do you want me to focus first?

I think I will focus on...

What about you?

All I want for Christmas is a new personality

I don't think I noticed it much when I was younger. And although I was aware of it in college and seminary, I didn't care much about it. However, after becoming a pastor 15 years ago, I began to see it more clearly; and didn't like the results it seemed to bring. The "IT", of course, is my personality. Back in high school, the popular temperment analysis tests showed that I was Phlegmatic. Unlike the Sanguine that was full of charisma, the choleric that was full of leadership and "driven", and the Meloncholy, who was artistic, but easily depressed, I was labeled a phlegmatic. The general description is someone who is not too "up" and not too "down". Instead of calling me mediocre however, or static, or lukewarm, the psychologists would call me "even-tempered", balanced.

In college, there was the "DISC" personality profile, and although the terminology was different, I was still diagnosed (now it sounds like a disease!) with the same personality I had in high school. Personalities seem to "stick" somehow. I thought that I was fine with my personality, but once I became a pastor, I began to see the real downsides to it.

I was very slow to confront something or someone when they needed to be confronted. Even if I was excited about something in my heart, my lack of emotional exuberance caused people to think I was not happy or excited, at all (even about things they were excited about). To my dismay, some thought I was snobby or just plain ignored them; when I would never do that on purpose. Friends of mine have told me that when they first met me, they didn't like my personality; and thought I was somewhat "cold". That breaks my heart every time I hear it, because I enjoy getting to know people and being around people; but I have a hard time communicating that in a way that "gets through" when I first meet people. It does usually take people a while before they "warm up to" me. That really bothers me!

I have heard people say they think I am unloving, even though I do love them, deeply, in my heart. But, I think, they see my personality try to communicate love, and they actually interpret it as disdain or plain apathy. Being a pastor, I feel the downsides to this personality are multiplied and magnified, because of the position I am in. I have often been tempted to desire someone else's personality, especially other pastors. I see guys who are able to walk up to complete strangers and carry conversations, by themselves, for hours. I am not able, naturally, to do that. I see other people respond to certain pastor's personalities, warming up to them immediately, and talking about how much that pastor loves them (even if they have not yet spent much time together). I see guys who can deliver God's Word with an incredibly attractive personality, that causes people to automatically say: "I will follow that guy anywhere"

All I want for Christmas is a new personality.
Ok - not really. I do admit I have had these thoughts often over the past 15 years. I have had to ask God for forgiveness multiple times for my jealousy and discontent. I know there are many positives to my personality, such as:.......................................................................................................
Well - I can't think of any right now, but I now there are some. I'm sure if you call my mom, she will have a list for you (thanks mom!)

I think I have come to terms with my personality. I do thank God for how He has made me. When He points things out to me, I do thank Him personally for the positive sides of my personality. Even as a pastor, I know that God has placed me in a certain ministry, for a certain time, with my personality, to be used for His glory, with a certain people. And I am really enjoying the people He has put me with right now. They have been, overall, a great blessing and encouragement. I think a few of them might even like me, after only 4 years!

So, on the days, like a couple days ago, when I start to wish for a different personality, I will try to focus on what is "true, just, honest, of good report"...what is biblical and what is right, in the eyes of God.

My God-Given Personality
Merry Christmas to me!

The 8 Greatest Words I've Heard

Daddy, I asked Jesus to be my Savior!
I heard those from my son yesterday. Those are the greatest words. He said that he had prayed with mommy to receive Jesus as His Savior. He explained that one time he had prayed because he really wanted to take communion; and that he didn't think he really meant it. This time, he did. People have a variety of responses to something like this.

Some do not think a child can understand the gospel or what it means to be saved.
Others would have had my son write a date in his Bible the first time; and when he doubted, would point to that date and scold: see, you were saved on this date, it counts, and you don't need to ever doubt it again. Just look at this date and don't worry about it.
Some would even go to the extent to say that we need to get as many kids as possible to say salvation prayer as soon as possible. So, in any situation, they might tell kids if they want to go to Heaven and not go to Hell, they just need to repeat this prayer.

My perspective is a little different. I first said a prayer when I was 4 years old, asking Jesus to come into my heart. I have no idea if that is when (humanly speaking), I was saved. I believe what the Bible says about the fact that before the foundation of the world, God graciously chose me to be His child, not because of anything I would earn; but out of His grace and mercy. I do not pretend to understand fully the sovereignty of God, as it relates to salvation; but I trust in it, because it is from the Word of God.

After the first time I prayed to receive Jesus, I then prayed many many times. Every time I felt extremely guilty, I would wonder if I was truly saved, and then would pray again to be saved. I didn't exactly understand eternal security at that point. As time went on, I understood more and more what it meant to be saved; and to be a follower of Jesus Christ. I was baptized and committed to honoring Christ with my life. But, over the first 9 or 10 years after I first prayed, I was"up and down" and in a sense, was in process, in terms of my understanding of salvation.

Does it really matter what "the date" is? I admit it can be helpful; and is especially nice for those who were saved after early childhood. To tell the truth, I wish I had a date. I review all of this, so that you might understand how I look at my children and their need of salvation. I pray all the time for their salvation. They all, as young children, have sang songs about God and talked about Him, inluding the knowledge that Jesus died for their sins. They seem to simply accept it as fact.

We do pray for days like yesterday, when one of them recognizes a need to trust in Christ, and in child-like faith, as far as we can tell, he prays a prayer.It is awesome. But, I also recognize that it is a process; and my son may experiences doubts, or even pray at other times. For me, I look for evidence that the Holy Spirit now lives in Him. He will still sin; but I pray that He will remain committed to Christ; just as He is now.

I don't pressure our children to make decisions. We talk about it and pray God will work on each of their hearts. I think it can be dangerous to put pressure on young hearts to commit to someone that they may not be ready to commit to, giving them false security. In the end, I leave it inGod's hands.

So, I don't get too excited with each prayer; but I do try to take it all at face value. And therefore, I am excited, and feel like it should be celebrated. As always, I commit my children into God's hands: not only their physical lives; but especially their eternal ones. Thank God for His inexpressible gifts.

It's time to speak - where are my notes?

It was a couple of Sundays ago, when I almost experienced one of my worst nightmares. As a pastor, who speaks almost every week, my nightmares include the greatest fears of most public speakers. And beside the fear that my "fly" would be open, I fear going up to speak and not having my notes. I realize that "real" pastors and public speakers don't need notes; but, unfortunately, I do; and if I didn't have them, I would be "lost".

So, our worship team (of which I am a part) finishes singing and I grab my file folder which I thought had my sermon notes. Fortunately, a video testimony began, which I had pre-planned to begin my message. I was going to wait up on the platform for the video to play, but when I looked in my folder, I realized it was the worship folder; and not my sermon notes! I panicked.
Fortunately, the video testimony was 4 minutes, 50 seconds; so I took the opportunity to walk off the platform, and then run down the outside hallway and to my office.

As I was running, as subtely as possible, I was trying to remember where I put those notes, since I usually walk all over the church, greeting people, before the service begins. they could be anywhere. I was praying that I would find it; and the first place to look was my office. Two guys who were assigned to pray for the message time were already in my office and I ran in, panting, asking if they had seen my message. To my relief, there it was, right on my desk where I left it!

I was very thankful. I hustled back to the hallway outside the platform and took my place with a minute or so to spare. I was grateful that this happened to be one of the few Sundays I used a video to begin my messge. I know, at some point, I will get up to speak, realize that I don't have my notes, and ask for people to pray while I run through the church looking for them. But thankfully, it hasn't happened yet. Someday, I'll be a real pastor and not need any notes. Until then, give me my folder (the one with my notes in it)!

NOAH CELEBRATES A BELATED THANKSGIVING

I know that my last entry also emphasized giving thanks, although the day which our country has desigated as Thanksgiving, has already past. Hopefully, you will forgive me again, for I have something else to be thankful for. If you are wondering about the title, no, I don't feel like Noah because I'm that old; or even because I have a couple sets of twins! Instead, think water.

It was Sunday night of Thanksgiving weekend, and if you read my last blog about the broken mirror, you will notice a theme here: we were playing board games; with different friends this time. All of a sudden, one of our kids comes running in: the basement is flooding, the basement is flooding! That brought back bad memories since in the first year of moving into our home, our basement was flooded, as many in the area were during that long-lasting, hard falling rainstorm.

But, it had not been raining, so it couldn't be that! We ran downstairs to see that, indeed, water was splashing down onto our basement carpet from the vents above. Where was it coming from? We came back up the stairs to the middle hallway and saw water dripping steadily from a light fixture onto the floor; so we kept going up. Once we reached the upstairs bathroom, we found the source of the "flood" - God!

Not really: instead we found a full and overflowing sink, which upon further investigation had been plugged purposely by our children, so that something fun could float in it. The bathroom floor was definitely flooded. We cleaned up the bathroom floor, put a bucket on the middle floor, under the light fixture, and two bins under heavy drips in the basement. Not ever having water flow through our house like that before, we had no clue what damage there could be or what to do.

I am so grateful for friends, people God has put in our lives to encourage us and help in time of need. Not only did our friends who were there help dry up some water, but I called my friend who had helped so much when our basement flooded a few years back. I thought there might be several damage issues, and that we could potentially lose a part of the carpet, having to cut several feet out.

However, he told me how to soak up some of the water, bringing it up from the pad through the carpet and into towels; and then drying it off with fans. He came by the next day, put two huge fans, for drying carpet under the carpet, on the pads; and told us that everything in the house would dry, and there would no damage, in his opinion. We were very grateful.

So, once again, I thank God for loving people He has put in our lives, for keeping us from losing anything through the "flood waters falling", and especially for reminding me to trust in Him. I never know what is going to happen next, but I do know it will be another opportunity to learn more of myself, as well as the soveriegnty and faithfulness of God. Praise Be to Him!

GIVING THANKS FOR 7 YEARS OF BAD LUCK

Not sure if this is allowed, since we are past the Thanksgiving weekend, but I would like to give thanks to God for something. I know: we are supposed to be all about Christmas now - listen to the music, tear through the advertisements, and think only about buying and getting gifts. But, if you would allow me, I would like, just this one time, to give thanks for something.

On Thanksgiving Day, we had friends over, and after stuffing ourselves, were playing a game together. All the kids were playing nicely (as far as we knew) downstairs. All of a sudden, one of our children informed us that something had fallen and broken down where they were playing. It seemed somewhat urgent, so we took off for the basement.

Once we arrived, we saw what had happened: a huge mirror set in a corner had fallen over and broken in a million pieces (my estimation). One of our children had hidden behind the mirror, and when getting out from behind it, had pushed it over. It took us quite a while to clean up the mess. One of our friends, watching while we vacuumed up the pieces of glass, reminded us that we now face 7 years of bad luck.

And that brings me to my point of thanksgiving: I praise God that, even though a mirror was destroyed, and the clean up was a major pain, NO ONE WAS HURT. Since our child was behind the mirror, there was no injury there (and our child was wise enough not to walk on the broken glass!). And even though the basement was full of kids, no other child was over in that area at the time - THANK YOU GOD!

It is easy for me to take our children's safety for granted; but in cases like this, I am reminded that our child or someone else's could have been seriously hurt - and their safety, for we parents, is the most important thing. There are other lessons to be learned - safety lessons, etc. with something like this; but most all, this is a moment to GIVE THANKS!