Lesson 19: I have learned to let people go gracefully
As a pastor, one of the harder things to do is let people go, once they have decided to leave the church. If they are moving out of the area, for whatever reason, it is not as hard. But, if they are choosing to leave the church you pastor, it is hard not to take it personally. Unfortunately, it is a part of life and ministry, and I don't know of any pastor, regardless of church size, that has not experienced it. I suppose there are times of rejoicing when certain people leave the church; but for most of us, as shepherds who love our people, we wish they would stay and grow spiritually with us.
I wish I could say, that after 20 years of ministry, it is now easy to see people choose to leave the church I lead. But it is not. It still hurts to think that they are choosing to disconnect themselves with this particular fellowship, and our purpose of making disciples in our church, community and world. And certainly, people leave churches for good and bad reasons. What I have found is that the challenge lies with me: how am I going to respond to their leaving; and how am I going to lead our church in responding in a Christ-like way?
And this is what God has given me, through my brother, and through others I am sure: "We are not losing them to the Kingdom." I love that phrase, I love that thought, I love that truth. When we focus on "losing them", we think about discouraging thoughts like: "they must not like us; what did we do wrong; what is this going to do to our church; what are others going to think, etc." But these are all selfish type thoughts, not God-centered, not gospel-centered, not discipleship centered. The truth, assuming that they are followers of Jesus, is that we have not lost them to the Kingdom.
Instead of trying to figure out motives or make assessments, we leave them in God's hands. We believe that God can move them, when He desires, where He desires, and for His own purposes. God is going to put them, just like us, in just the right place, to do His work for this time. I believe that God, right now, has every pastor and every person in the church He wants them to be in, so that His plan and will can be accomplished in our lives. That includes some of the tough growing opportunities when we are with people who challenge us, or even do wrong in our midst.
This is not about having a continually growing, happy, problem free, comfortable church. This is about having a church focused on discipleship, and willing to accept anyone and release anyone that God brings to us or takes away. God gives and He takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord! If we can have that perspective, then we can let people go gracefully. There does not need to be nasty e-mails, or gossip, bitterness, or division. There can be a grace filled celebration, that although we are sad at their going, we are excited about what God has planned for them, and for us in the future. We can bless them as they go.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Saturday, May 17, 2014
20 LESSONS IN 20 YEARS: LESSON 18
Lesson 18: I have learned that success in ministry is simple
Sounds unbelievable doesn't it? Most everyone I know in ministry, or who has ever been in ministry, including myself, might first look at this statement and respond: no it's not! But, over these 20 years in ministry, I have truly come to believer that true success in ministry is, actually, simple. I know I need to explain. I haven't always believed that.
No matter how hard I tried over the years to believe that true ministry success was about faithfulness to God and His calling, I think I really believed what I had been told, was reading and heard at conferences: true ministry success is about numerical growth and being considered a large church. Even large churches and "successful" pastors will try to avoid this statement, but by what they say and write; and how they respond to smaller churches, it is the message that comes across loud and clear. It is all about helping a church plant or smaller, more traditional church, turn around and become a growing, larger church. And the pastors that are able to do it, are the ones sought after, to write the books, speak at the conferences, and counsel the unsuccessful pastors how to be successful.
Just in case you think I am against larger churches, or pastors of larger churches, it is not true. I actually am impressed by larger churches that are faithful to God's Word and that are making disciples at home as well as around the world. I love reading and hearing from larger church pastors, that include some of my favorite authors, friends and even an awesome brother! The ones I love and am impressed with are the ones who don't try to make themselves superstars. They make it all about the glory of God and making disciples. If they come across wrongly, it is not because they are intending to. It may just be the way we smaller church pastors hear and perceive things.You can be a growing church and successful at the same time.
But here is what I learned. It has nothing to do with numerical growth. I know the arguments that disagree with that statement, but I am not going to take the time, here, to debunk them. I just believe this is true. I have experienced the pursuit, albeit with a desire just to honor God and make disciples, of trying to read the right books, follow the right counsel, and do everything I could, with God's power and guidance, to grow a church and see it become large for the glory of God. But He didn't allow it to happen. Some might say it because of how sinful I am. Some might say it is because of my lack of leadership skills. I have come to believe that neither of those statements are true. I might be wrong by the way! I believe it is something else.
I believe it is God's will for me and the churches I have led, that our success has not been in the numbers, or incredible growth that would lead anyone to call us a large successful church. Instead, my success, our success, has come from something very simple. Now notice I didn't say success was easy. It is not. It takes a everything you have to invest in it. But, in the end, being successful in God's eyes is very simple. I don't disagree, as other small church pastors have said in the past, that it is all about faithfulness. But, I like to think in different terms, even if it gets to the same meaning.
I believe successful ministry is simple: Doing, at the moment, what God has called you to do.
So, this included all the aspects of ministry, that might or might not lead to numerical growth. It includes seeing ministry from a full biblical perspective rather than from the perspective of the church or other "successful" pastors out there. It is about focusing on God's perspective in His Word. And when I focus on that, I come away with this: Doing, at the moment, what God has called me to do. That includes some tough things like confession of sin, admission of weakness and confrontation, just to name a few. But it also includes some very joyful experiences such as preaching, leadership and investing in people's lives for eternity.
It is a lesson I have learned and am still learning. If I am right and this is true success, than even I have the chance that one day Jesus will look at this small church pastor in the eyes, open His arms and say: Well done, good and faithful servant!
Sounds unbelievable doesn't it? Most everyone I know in ministry, or who has ever been in ministry, including myself, might first look at this statement and respond: no it's not! But, over these 20 years in ministry, I have truly come to believer that true success in ministry is, actually, simple. I know I need to explain. I haven't always believed that.
No matter how hard I tried over the years to believe that true ministry success was about faithfulness to God and His calling, I think I really believed what I had been told, was reading and heard at conferences: true ministry success is about numerical growth and being considered a large church. Even large churches and "successful" pastors will try to avoid this statement, but by what they say and write; and how they respond to smaller churches, it is the message that comes across loud and clear. It is all about helping a church plant or smaller, more traditional church, turn around and become a growing, larger church. And the pastors that are able to do it, are the ones sought after, to write the books, speak at the conferences, and counsel the unsuccessful pastors how to be successful.
Just in case you think I am against larger churches, or pastors of larger churches, it is not true. I actually am impressed by larger churches that are faithful to God's Word and that are making disciples at home as well as around the world. I love reading and hearing from larger church pastors, that include some of my favorite authors, friends and even an awesome brother! The ones I love and am impressed with are the ones who don't try to make themselves superstars. They make it all about the glory of God and making disciples. If they come across wrongly, it is not because they are intending to. It may just be the way we smaller church pastors hear and perceive things.You can be a growing church and successful at the same time.
But here is what I learned. It has nothing to do with numerical growth. I know the arguments that disagree with that statement, but I am not going to take the time, here, to debunk them. I just believe this is true. I have experienced the pursuit, albeit with a desire just to honor God and make disciples, of trying to read the right books, follow the right counsel, and do everything I could, with God's power and guidance, to grow a church and see it become large for the glory of God. But He didn't allow it to happen. Some might say it because of how sinful I am. Some might say it is because of my lack of leadership skills. I have come to believe that neither of those statements are true. I might be wrong by the way! I believe it is something else.
I believe it is God's will for me and the churches I have led, that our success has not been in the numbers, or incredible growth that would lead anyone to call us a large successful church. Instead, my success, our success, has come from something very simple. Now notice I didn't say success was easy. It is not. It takes a everything you have to invest in it. But, in the end, being successful in God's eyes is very simple. I don't disagree, as other small church pastors have said in the past, that it is all about faithfulness. But, I like to think in different terms, even if it gets to the same meaning.
I believe successful ministry is simple: Doing, at the moment, what God has called you to do.
So, this included all the aspects of ministry, that might or might not lead to numerical growth. It includes seeing ministry from a full biblical perspective rather than from the perspective of the church or other "successful" pastors out there. It is about focusing on God's perspective in His Word. And when I focus on that, I come away with this: Doing, at the moment, what God has called me to do. That includes some tough things like confession of sin, admission of weakness and confrontation, just to name a few. But it also includes some very joyful experiences such as preaching, leadership and investing in people's lives for eternity.
It is a lesson I have learned and am still learning. If I am right and this is true success, than even I have the chance that one day Jesus will look at this small church pastor in the eyes, open His arms and say: Well done, good and faithful servant!
Saturday, May 10, 2014
20 LESSONS IN 20 YEARS: LESSON 17
Lesson 17: I have learned to have an open hand approach to ministry and everything else
Over the past few years, this is how I have described to people how I view the ministry God has given me, as well as every thing and every relationship. Since everything I have, including ministry, is God-given, then it all belongs to Him. That is easier to say than to actually practice. It is human nature for all of us, and that certainly includes me, to hold tightly to the things we value. For many years, I held tightly to pastoral ministry. Since that is what God called me to, I seemed gifted for it and I loved it, I never wanted to let it go. And when God tested me, to see if I was willing to let it go, I just tightened my grip even more. God had to teach me, the hard way, that I needed to hold everything He had given me with an open hand.
I picture it this way. Put your hand out in front of you, open-handed. Imagine your closest relationship or task or job or hobby or material possession in that hand. Close your fist tightly. This is how I used to approach ministry, and even my family. But, as some have learned in even the most precious of relationships, God sometimes takes them away; and there is nothing we can do about it. It is very difficult to come to the place that Job came to, after losing his 10 children in death, he said: "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." Only a person who has an open hand approach can sincerely say something like that when something of great value is taken away. I had to face if I was willing to do that with ministry.
Now, open your hand once again and picture that most precious thing in your hand. Extend your arm and your hand outward and upward. Picture yourself saying to God: Lord, My __________________
(fill in the blank with the appropriate thing - i.e. job, family, health, etc.) is yours. It has always been yours. It is not mine to hold onto. It is for me to be a good steward of this gift you have given me. I love it, but it is still yours. You can take it from me at any time. I will not fight you over it. Until then, I will be grateful that I have it, value it as a precious gift; and do my best to be the best steward of it, as long as you allow me to have it.
That prayer sums up what I have learned to do, as it relates to a particular ministry, or even ministry all together. I am also learning to do that with my wife and children. How about you?
Over the past few years, this is how I have described to people how I view the ministry God has given me, as well as every thing and every relationship. Since everything I have, including ministry, is God-given, then it all belongs to Him. That is easier to say than to actually practice. It is human nature for all of us, and that certainly includes me, to hold tightly to the things we value. For many years, I held tightly to pastoral ministry. Since that is what God called me to, I seemed gifted for it and I loved it, I never wanted to let it go. And when God tested me, to see if I was willing to let it go, I just tightened my grip even more. God had to teach me, the hard way, that I needed to hold everything He had given me with an open hand.
I picture it this way. Put your hand out in front of you, open-handed. Imagine your closest relationship or task or job or hobby or material possession in that hand. Close your fist tightly. This is how I used to approach ministry, and even my family. But, as some have learned in even the most precious of relationships, God sometimes takes them away; and there is nothing we can do about it. It is very difficult to come to the place that Job came to, after losing his 10 children in death, he said: "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." Only a person who has an open hand approach can sincerely say something like that when something of great value is taken away. I had to face if I was willing to do that with ministry.
Now, open your hand once again and picture that most precious thing in your hand. Extend your arm and your hand outward and upward. Picture yourself saying to God: Lord, My __________________
(fill in the blank with the appropriate thing - i.e. job, family, health, etc.) is yours. It has always been yours. It is not mine to hold onto. It is for me to be a good steward of this gift you have given me. I love it, but it is still yours. You can take it from me at any time. I will not fight you over it. Until then, I will be grateful that I have it, value it as a precious gift; and do my best to be the best steward of it, as long as you allow me to have it.
That prayer sums up what I have learned to do, as it relates to a particular ministry, or even ministry all together. I am also learning to do that with my wife and children. How about you?
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