YOU FIRST...NO...YOU FIRST- a message

This message was preached on August 2, 2009, at Grace Baptist Church in Westlake, OH. Since we were getting ready to start another season of life groups, we looked, once again, at some one another phrases in the Bible. We looked at what God's Word has to say about loving and honoring one another, and how we can apply that, through small group ministry in our church. This was especially an encouraging message for me, as we heard two testimonies of how God has used other people in our church to be an incredible blessing and help toward spiritual growth, in their lives. To hear their testimonies, you can go to www.gbcwestlake.org chooseto listen to messages on audio and choose this message title:

YOU FIRST…NO…YOU FIRST
Romans 12:10

Please turn in your Bible to Romans 12. If you are using the Bible in front of you, it is page 948.

TESTIMONY: Miriam Boettner

Thank you Miriam. God is doing a lot in Miriam’s life right now, and she has more stories she can tell you about God’s grace in her life. Feel free to ask her. But, I wanted to have Miriam share some of what God is doing, as it relates to how He has used other people to bless and strengthen her faith. It is a great introduction to the passage of Scripture we are looking at this morning. Please follow along, as I read Romans 12, verses 9-18. As I read, try to grasp the intentional emphasis this writer puts on how we are to treat one another:

Romans 12:9-18 – “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be conceited. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”

This is the context for the verse we want to concentrate on this morning. Did you notice a theme through these verses? It is all about how we are to respond to one another. There are many one another phrases in the Bible that describe how to glorify God by how we treat each other. This morning, we are going to focus on 2 of those statements; but we will see how these 2 statements are connected to all the other one another issues in this passage.

Did you listen carefully to Miriam’s testimony? Did you hear a theme throughout? It was about what God did, in providing other people in the Christian community, mostly people here at Grace, to care for Miriam’s needs at this stage of her life, in her time of need. Many of you have similar stories. But, what I am going to ask of you now, is to focus on one verse with me, and the two one another statements found in that verse. And then, my prayer for you is that you will take one thing from this message this morning…one truth from God’s Word that you will put into action in your life, to make a difference in your life and in the lives of others.

Romans 12:10 – “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”

Let’s take these one at a time. First, in your notes:
Love one another like a brother/sister

“Love one another with brotherly affection”, the Bible says. You might respond to this and say: Greg, believe me, you don’t want me loving others like a brother or sister. Our family is dysfunctional. No one likes each other. And there is not great brotherly, sisterly love in our house. Well, that may be true. But, I am not asking you to make yours or someone else’s bad experience the standard; but I am asking you to make God’s Word the standard. And according to God’s Word, and in God’s family, there is love. The family of God is supposed to love one another no matter what. The brothers and sisters in that family are dedicated to one another like nothing you can experience in any other relationship outside of marriage.

The word love, here in verse 10, is different than the word for love in verse 9. Look at verse 9: “Let love be genuine.” The word translated love here in verse 9 is the Greek word Agape, and it refers to the type of sacrificial love that Jesus Christ had for us when He gave His life for our salvation. It is the highest form of love, that puts aside personal desires, and gives up life for another. But, the word here in verse 10 is the Greek word Philos, from where we get our word: Philadelphia. And Philadelphia is supposed to be what? The city of __________________ ________. That’s right: the city of brotherly love. The reason for that is not because everyone in Philadelphia loves each other and so they named it that. They named it that, hoping that the people who live there would live up to its name. That is what the Greek word means: brotherly love, brotherly affection.

Here is how the Bible knowledge commentary explains this phrase in verse 10: “Love one another with brotherly affection.”: “We are to demonstrate Christ-like love with other followers of Christ. To love one another with brotherly affection is to be wholeheartedly devoted to someone as you would to a close family member.”

Now, again, this is talking about a family type of love that is very close; and healthy. Many of you know what I am talking about. You might have a brother or sister, that you fought with, and argued with , and fought over toys with. And they may have even called you names. But, if someone else messed with your brother or sister, outside the family, they had to deal with you first. You stood up for family, no matter what.

I remember, back in elementary school, I said something that one of the boys in my class didn’t like, as a joke. Just after school ended, I found myself backed up against a wall, with his bigger brother’s hands around my neck. Why? Because the boy shared whatever he thought I said and how it hurt him to his bigger brother, and bigger brother took action to defend his younger brother; regardless of the fights they may have had among themselves.

You see: this is all about the family of God. This is about functioning as God intended: loving one another like family. When people say that blood is thicker than water, they mean that regardless of family problems, you stick with your family, you care for your family, you love your family. “Love one another with brotherly affection.”

The verses surrounding this verse help us understand that a little bit more, of how this can look. These are in your notes:
· Be real

Back to verse 9: “Let your love be genuine.” In a true family, you are real with one another. Listen to how The Message paraphrases this phrase: “Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it.” I like that. It means to be real, be sincere, be genuine. That is what a real family does. If you are going to love one another like a brother/sister, according to God’s standards, you are going to need to be real with each other. You can fake it to strangers, but real family members know if you are being real with them or not. And as you are real with each other, you can love as a family loves. Are you willing to share with others what is really going on in your mind and heart? Are you willing to tell someone else what needs to be said, so that he/she can grow as needed? Only real family members are willing to do these things. Secondly, in order to love one another life a brother/sister, we must:

· Hold tight to what is good

Back to verse 9: “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.” The Message puts it this way: “Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good.” What does that look like, in terms of loving one another like God’s family? It means you are not going to influence your brother or sister in Christ with anything that would damage or impede their spiritual growth. It means you are going to introduce them to and encourage them to participate in what will help with spiritual growth. This summer, The McMurtrys, a couple in our church that has been a spiritual encouragement to many throughout the years, have been holding a video series on Wednesday nights for parents. Why? Because they have a burden for parents, that they might honor God in their parenting. And because of their love for parents in our church, they have offered something that is good: a series that teaches biblical principles of parenting. To show brotherly affection toward one another includes holding tight to what is good in God’s eyes. Thirdly:

· Tell it like it is

Family members can do that, like no one else can. You know your family loves you, so when they say something that is hard to hear, it is easier to accept it from someone who you know has loved you from the beginning. That is the way it should be in families. And in the family of God, it is important that we show true brotherly affection by telling one another the truth, no matter how difficult it is. We do this because we know it is best for that person’s spiritual growth.

Hebrews 10:24 – “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works.”

The word translated “stir up” can also be translated “spur”. It means to be a positive irritant, in someone else’s life, for the purpose of leading them toward loving right and doing right – spiritual growth! No one enjoys having people talk to them about negative things they need to change or confronting them with a problem. But, the fact is, that we all have problems, sins, temptations in our lives that need to be confronted and corrected. and we have to have some people who care enough for us, who are willing to “stir us up”, irritate us for good, be a brother or sister to us in telling us like it is.

This passage of Scripture in Romans 12 affords us a great illustration of this:
Romans 12:14- “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.”
Romans 12:17 – “Repay no one evil for evil…”
Romans 12:19,20 – “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of god, for it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink…”
Romans 12:21 – “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Think about this…one of the most difficult things for all of us to overcome is the fact that we get hurt by other people. Not usually physically, but emotionally and otherwise, people hurt each other all the time. When others hurt us, we naturally want to have revenge on them, although it may be displayed in different ways. For some, we have revenge by isolating ourselves and ignoring them. Some of us have revenge by treating them differently, since we are so hurt. Some of have revenge by gossiping, or by developing a bitter heart; or with angry words, or some other type of action that will help us get back at that person. No matter how you go about it, it is wrong and against God’s Word.

So, God has given us other brothers and sisters in Jesus Christ, to tell us like it is: the truth about our hurt and our desire for revenge. Only true family members are usually willing to get this personal and dive into this kind of area of sensitivity. You see…to love with brotherly affection, means that you are willing to sit down with a brother or sister in Christ, and tell them like it is:

“___________________, you sound to me like you bitterness in your heart toward _________________. The way you are talking about him, and the way you are acting, looks to me like you are trying to exact revenge on your own, because of how he hurt you.” Now, that is not easy to say; or to deal with the possible response. Only someone who really cares for you is willing to be that direct and love you through it. But, that is part of what it means to love with brotherly affection, to love one another like a brother/sister. There is one more here:

Romans 12:15 – “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

To love one another like a brother/sister is to:
· Share in the joys and sorrows

Because people are selfish by nature, they unfortunately do the opposite sometimes. When someone they know is rejoicing, they get jealous or bitter or critical. A co-worker gets a promotion, and instead of rejoicing with them, we say: “I deserved that promotion more; If they only knew what she was like…just the other day she…; he only got the promotion because he sucks up to the boss…brown-noser!”

Or, instead of weeping with those that weep, we selfishly respond with arrogance or apathy. Someone is weeping over the fact that one of their adult children is not walking with God. But instead of weeping with them, we might not really care since it has nothing to do with us, so we are apathetic, not really caring to understand their pain. Or worse yet, we demonstrate arrogance and condemnation with a comment such as: Well, they didn’t really bring their kids up that well anyway. What do they expect? If they would have sent their kids to the kind of school we did, or if they would have followed the parenting videos we did, or…

That’s not what true family does! True family, those who are loving with brotherly affection, are going to do their best to fully understand what you are going through. They may not be able to fully understand, but they are going to feel the joy or feel the pain. I go through this all of the time as a pastor. Much of what people share with me is something I may not fully understand because I haven’t experienced it to the extent they have. But, what I can do is try to share in the excitement they have or the sorrow. That is something that all of us can strive to do. True family does this. This is what God asks each of us to do. I know this happens all the time here at Grace; but if we became known as the church that loved each other in this way, we wouldn’t be able to keep people from streaming in here, even if we tried. People everywhere are looking for the kind of family that will Be real; hold tight to what is good; tell it like it is; and share in the joys and sorrows!

We all need people with whom we can grow and share our lives. There is coming an opportunity for all of you women who are here today. You will be seeing it in the bulletin starting next Sunday and you will hear an announcement on the 16th. On Friday, August 21st, you will all be invited to a meeting for women, where you will talk about and hear about opportunities to grow with other women, through the study and application of God’s Word. This would be a great application of today’s message, for you women to attend that meeting and consider how you can be a part of helping others grow in their faith, as well as growing yourself!

But, before we look at one more one another statement in Romans 12, let me share with you an all church application for every adult that attends Grace.
Our younger children, in Step Up, that is meeting right now, have small groups every Sunday, where a caring adult helps them apply to their own lives what they just heard taught in the large group. Our teens, throughout times of the year, have small groups on Wednesday nights, as a caring adult helps them apply to their lives, the teaching that they just heard in youth group. And, for 3 years now, every adult, who attends Grace, has had the opportunity that our children have: to be in a small group, where we are cared for, and where we can discuss how to apply what we are learning from the Word of God on Sunday mornings. We call them LIFE GROUPS. It is the small group ministry we offer here at Grace to everyone 18 or older. I would like for you to consider being a part of one this next season, which begins in September.

Even if you have had a bad experience, for some reason, in a small group somewhere, I encourage you to participate. Andy Stanley, a pastor in Georgia, likes to say: I know you’ve tried a group and didn’t like it. Have you ever had a bad haircut? Did you NEVER get another one? Ever had a bad doctor? Did you never go again?” Give God another opportunity to use a small group in your life; and to be used by God to encourage others.
Our life groups meet mostly in homes throughout our surrounding communities. Most meet on Sunday nights and some meet during the week. Some meet twice a month and some 3 times a month. All the groups discuss the morning message, looking for ways to apply God’s truth to their everyday lives, and be accountable to others for it. This year, there may be some groups that study something else that might really fit their particular group, but still key in on how God’s truth applies to their lives. We keep the groups small, 12, maybe up to 14 people at the most, so that everyone has a chance to participate, be known, and cared for.
Most groups have a fellowship time around food, a prayer time, so that your joys and sorrows can be shared and prayed for by the group; and the discussion time, to think about how to put into action the truths of God’s Word. Many groups truly care for one another, which means stepping forward to help with needs that arise. You already heard that testimony from Miriam earlier. But, before we consider one more one another statement, I have asked Dave Vet to come and share with you how God has used life groups in his life. Dave and his family are moving to Florida this week, and it is not surprising that life groups is one of the things he will miss most: let’s listen:

TESTIMONY: Dave Vet

One of the things we offered this past life group season, for those meeting 3 times a month, was life stories. It was the most enjoyable and beneficial thing for me as well, in my life group. I learned things about others and shared things from my life, that are normally kept personal. But, it was a safe place to be real, to be transparent, and to share how God has worked in my life. And when we share that deeply, guess what God does…He normally uses what we share to challenge and encourage others who hear our story. And when we share the truths of our lives, the good and the bad, we tend to grow very close, very fast. It is amazing! That is what we hope for our life groups this year.
There is one more one another statement I want us to consider from Romans 12:10. Look at it again with me: “Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor.” “Outdo one another in showing honor.” This is an interesting one! Not only are we supposed to love one another like a brother/sister, but we are to:

Put others first

Sounds good doesn’t it? It might even sound easy; but all of us, if we were to be honest this morning, would have to admit that it is not easy…at all. Our human nature tells us to put ourselves first…always. But God tells us to put each other first. “Outdo one another in showing honor.”

I am a competitive person by nature. Recently, I was walking a hiking trail with Teresa and some friends. I asked them how quickly they thought we could run over rough terrain, for 2 miles on that trail. Then, later, going up a rocky, narrow path, I told them we could play “king of the mountain” and see who could push their way to the top first. Teresa turns to me at that point and says: Everything is a competition to you, isn’t it? And I said: I guess you’re right!

Ever since I was a young boy, pretty much everything I did had to do with competition. I love it. I was recently playing a board game with my 10 and 8 year old son and daughters, and when they would talk about winning, I caught myself thinking: I’m going to win…in fact, I’m going to crush you little one. I guess I am competitive.

In this verse, God is telling us to be competitive, but not in the normal sense. He is telling us to be competitive by OUTDOING each other in the way that we honor one another, care for one another, putting each other first. When was the last time you sought to outdo someone else in a way that truly benefit that person, and not you?

The Message paraphrases Romans 12:10 this way: “Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.”

No one wants to be second fiddle, because first fiddle gets all the attention. But, if we are going to obey God and live in biblical community, we are going to put others first. This includes doing things for others that we might not particularly like to do, or even want to do. It might mean setting aside our personal preferences, in honor of others. The second phrase, about showing honor, could be seen as a practical application for the first phrase. In other words to show honor to one another is physical demonstration of the kind of devoted love that comes in the family of God, fueled by the love of Jesus Christ.

Here are a few things that the Bible tells us this means. In your notes:

· Be humble

Romans 12:16 – “Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be conceited.”

To put others first, we have to humble ourselves, like Jesus did. We have to understand that every other person is also God’s creation, and regardless of the details, we are no better than they are. By looking out for others, even those not blessed as much as us, allows us to humbly put them first. It takes humility to live in harmony with those who seem to be hard to live with. It takes humility to love and serve those who don’t seem to deserve it. The Apostle Paul said it this way:

Philippians 2:3 – “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”

In his commentary on Romans, Leon Morris writes: “To honor is not to flatter, to give hypocritical praise in hope of having the compliment returned or of gaining favor with the one honored. Again, the very opposite is in mind. To honor is to show genuine appreciation and admiration for one another in the family of God. We are to be quick to show respect, quick to acknowledge the accomplishments of others, quick to demonstrate genuine love by not being jealous or envious, which have no part of love.”

Not only must we be humble, but we must:
· Follow Jesus’ example

Jesus explained this biblical principle to His followers this way, giving Himself as the greatest example of this. When have you outdone someone else in showing honor to them? Jesus showed us the way. He gave us the greatest honor, by laying down His life. We didn’t deserve it. We didn’t earn it. He put us first.

Mark 10:43-45 – “…But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Jesus’ followers were struggling mightily with putting others first. They were all about being the greatest themselves. But, Jesus was teaching them that true greatness was all about putting others first, and He shared with them, even before he did it, that He, the Son of Man, the Son of God, was going to show the ultimate example by dying for them.

In commenting on this phrase in Romans 12:10 – “Outdo one another in sowing honor”, William Barclay writes:

“Genuine love for others in our common family in Christ will incite us to “give preference to one another” or to “take the lead” in honoring the other before any honor comes our way…We are not strangers; but brothers and sisters, with our one Father, God. Rights and privileges and prestige make it difficult to give each other priority in honor in our churches.”

SO WHAT is your NEXT STEP?
Everyone has next steps to take, in trying to grow in faith and honor God in their lives. What is your next step? Can I encourage you to think, pray and then write an answer here, at the bottom of your outline? Maybe you don’t have to think about it. You already know, based on God’s Word this morning, the specific thing God is asking you to do. But, if not, are you willing to take some time to consider it? Ask God to help you know what He wants you to do in response. One of my suggestions is that you consider being a part of life groups for this season. If you have already been a part, consider doing it again, maybe even leading one; or at least committing yourself to applying these biblical principles as a part of one.

***The men are now going to hand a sheet of paper out to all of you. If you are 18 or older, make sure you take one. I am going to ask that you fill this out and let us know of your interest in life groups. Even if you are not sure you want to be a part of them; or if you have reservations or questions, please fill it out so we might be able to help you know whether or not life groups are for you. [pass them out]

It is our belief that every person needs other people in their lives, in order to be all God wants them to be. In “The All-Better Book”, there are questions that were asked to young children, and then their answers were recorded. One of the questions was this:

With billions of people in the world, somebody should be able to figure out a system where no one is lonely. What do you suggest? This is what some children said:

· Kalani – Age 8: “People should find lonely people and ask their name and address. Then ask people who aren’t lonely their name and address. When you have an even amount of each, assign lonely and not lonely people together in the newspaper.”
· Max – Age 9: “Make food that talks to you when you eat. For instance it could say, ‘How you doing?’ or ‘What happened to you?’”
· Matt – Age 8: “We could get people a pet or a husband or a wife, and take them places.”
· Brian – Age 8: “Sing a song. Stomp your feet. Read a book. Sometimes I think no one loves me, so I do one of these.”

Those are great suggestions, but God has a better one: He gave us each other. We call it a biblical community…a group of people who love God and are committed to one another. God did not mean for us to live in isolation.

There is a fascinating study that is continuing to this day called the “Alameda County Study” in California. The study is headed by a social scientist and has been going on for more than a decade, tracking the lives of 7000 people. This study found that the most isolated people are three times more likely to die than those with strong relational connections. Catch this – people with bad health habits – smoke, have poor eating habits, wrestle with obesity, abuse alcohol – poor health habits but strong social ties, live significantly longer than people who have great individualistic health habits but are isolated. In other words – it is better to eat Twinkies with good friends than to eat broccoli alone! Scientifically true!

Here at Grace, it is our desire that every person would take these biblical instructions to heart, and on their own, show love and honor to one another. But, it is important, that as a church, we have some type of ministry that allows for everyone who desires, to be a part of a small group of people, that are specifically meeting for these purposes. That is why we have a ministry called LIFE GROUP.

Pastor Bill Hybels said: “There is a certain level of spirituality that can only be obtained through small communities of people functioning biblically.”
That is what we are after. We aren’t there yet. We aren’t perfect; but we are striving to be a church that has small groups where true, intimate, biblical community is taking place. I would like for you to consider being a part of making that happen here at Grace.

Explain card

Give time to fill out and silently pray
Ask them to stand; and when the service is over, to leave their cards on their seats, or place them in the box labeled life groups at the welcome center table
Let’s close with the song of worship we began with this morning: Jesus Thank You. As we consider the incredible demonstration of love He showed us, that saved those of us who have trusted in Him, we are reminded of the example of love He has left for us to follow.