KING ME: a book review

King Me: What every son wants and needs from his father, was written by Steve Farrar, in 2005.

I have had it on my shelf for a few years now, and read a few pages of it a year or so ago. Recently, God has been really dealing with my heart, as it relates to the discipleship of my children. I am always thinking of how to help others, as a pastor, grow in their relationship with Jesus; but I sometime forget that my number one responsibility is to help my children take their next steps in Christ. So, one of the ways I am focusing on that is by reading some books that can be of help to me in this area. This book focuses on fathers and sons. Even if you have daughters, only, the focus on becoming a better father is well worth the effort to read it.

I would wholeheartedly recommend this book to any father, especially fathers with sons. The best way I know how to share what I learned from a book is to share some of my favorite quotes. Overall, this was a very easy to read book (for those of you men who don't like to read); and it helped refocus me on what is really important, for me as a father, beginning with my relationship to God. I hope these quotes will give you the motivation to find this book, and give it a chance:

• That's what fathering is all about. It's mentoring and equipping your son to become a man who will assume the family leadership for the next generation



• The Bible clearly teaches that God knows everything. He didn't just know it; He ordained it. He knew that you would have a son, and that you would need to mentor that son.



• In the mercy of God, He gives broken men the opportunity to write new chapters in their lives



• Every on wants to be disciplined. he needs it. He may not let on at first, but the happiest son on earth is the son who has been appropriately disciplined. Biblical discipline actually relieves a son. It lets him know that his father really loves him.



• The father's job is to move his son from self-centeredness to self-discipline. And when that happens, that father has given his son the gift of freedom. When a father gives up his power by giving his son everything he wants, his son will not fear hm in a healthy way. When there is no fear on a son's part of a father's discipline, then that son has lost his freedom



• The last thing your son needs is the pressure to be some great success out there in the world. What he needs is to know that God has created him for a purpose, and if he follows the Lord with his whole heart, he will discover that purpose.


• The single greatest struggle for your son today will be in the area of sexual sin: Talk to him early and wisely; Talk to him honestly; Talk to him often


• Authority provides structure in which lines are clear, problems are faced, consequences are fair and swift, and conflict is resolved. Authoritarianism promotes an environment of tyranny that crushes the spirit and leaves conflict unresolved. A house led by authority is not child centered. It is God centered and parent/ principle driven.


• Give your son a chance to learn to make his own way. Let him get out there and make some choices - about where he might go, about how he might spend this time when he is not under your eyes or thumb. And by the way, when he does make mistakes, don't panic. if he is repentant - especially if he s repentant - reward him for that repentance.

THE PASSION

This time of year, everyone chooses how they are going to celebrate Easter. Some focus only on the Easter Bunny and candy for kids. Others focus on the season of Lent and go through the rituals that their particular religion affords them. For some, this time of year is just another holiday and hopefully some time off work and/or school. It means little to others, and yet some make it very meaningful, personally and/or for family.

For me, I enjoy many of the things that come with this time of year; but there is one, personal tradition, that I look forward to each year, and hope to continue for years to come. After our Good Friday service at church, and after most in my household have gone to bed, I watch the movie: The Passion of the Christ. For me, it is the most meaningful experience I have during this Easter season. I realize that Easter Sunday, with its resurrection theme, should be meaningful, and it is. But, for me, visualising the death of Christ is deeply moving and draws me closer to Him.

I had a friend, recently, who watched the movie for the first time; and didn't like it. For him, he saw some religious influences of another faith that he didn't agree with. He thought there was too much emphasis on Mary; and that some of the things that were portrayed didn't happen in the story. I can understand his perspective as others have held the same view. Still others think it is too graphic. This is one of those times where some people are going to like something, others aren't; and that is o.k. (one of those times? maybe I should say: and such is life - all the time, right?)

I guess I set aside some of the things that bother others. It is a movie, after all. But, for me, it is what Jesus went through, biblically, and then portrayed on the screen, that means so much to me. I get emotional as I think, anew, what Jesus went through in His trials, and what He did for me, on the cross. I am forever grateful; and although the words of Scripture should be enough to bring me to tears, it is the visual representation that goes right after my heart.

May God move you, toward Him, this Easter, regardless of how you choose to remember Jesus' death, burial and resurrection. For me, I'll grab my popcorn (actually, I don't think I've ever been able to eat during this movie) and my pillow (for comfort, not sleep); and once again, visualize what it was like for my Savior, my God, to sacrifice everything for my salvation.

OUR GOD

God has always used music to strengthen me, encourage me, and help me at just the right time. Today is no different. Actually, for the past few days, this particular song, by Chris Tomlin, has helped keep my heart and mind focused on where it needs to be. Perhaps these words will also be an encouragement to you today: Our God: Water you turned into wine, opened the eyes of the blind There's no one like you, none like you Into the darkness you shine, out of the ashes we rise There's no one like you, none like you Our God is greater, our God is stronger God you are higher than any other Our God is healer, awesome in power Our God, our God Into the darkness you shine, out of the ashes we rise There's no one like you, none like you Our God is greater, our God is stronger God you are higher than any other Our God is healer, awesome in power Our God, our God And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us And if our God is with us, then what could stand against And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us And if our God is with us, then what could stand against Our God is greater, our God is stronger God you are higher than any other Our God is healer, awesome in power Our God, our God AMEN!

WE'RE MISSING SOMETHING AND YOU HAVE IT

This past week, I had the privilege of serving a family in our church, as a husband's wife died, after a 2 year battle with cancer. One thing that happens, with the passing of a beloved family member, and friend, is that those friends and family members will do their very best to come to the memorial service, in order to show their love and appreciate for the person who has passed. In this particular case, I was made aware that there would be many people at the memorial service, who did not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. And it was the husband's desire, who also said it was his wife's before she died, that I would give a message, that clearly presented the good news about Jesus Christ. Whenever I am told that, it is an encouragement and a challenge. It is encouraging that the desire is there to support what I would normally do - share the gospel at a funeral service. It makes it a lot easier for me, as I do not need to worry if the immediate family (in this case the husband) is supportive of me preaching that kind of message at their loved one's service. It is challenging, in that I still need to honor the person's memory, for those who are attending, and at the same time, give them the message they really need to hear, which is not focused on the person who passed, but on another person: Jesus Christ. When I was done sharing the message (from Acts 17:30-34, which was written in the Bible she was given as teenager), I was concerned that the family might feel let down that the focus was all about salvation and not about her. But instead, the husband was very thankful for the message of salvation that was shared and mentioned that many family and friends had expressed appreciation for it as well. But, the one statement, which was said to me at the graveside service, is what is sticking with me now. It causes me to pray for this particular person, as well as many others, who perhaps were thinking the same thing, but not saying anything. As I was walking away from the ceremony and being escorted by the funeral director to his car, a woman approached me and said: " I am (fill in the religion). I love my faith. But, we are missing something; and you have it." My assumption is, that although she is not considering leaving her faith; she has heard something that does not seem to be a regular part of her faith; and yet it is something that she personally desires. What that is, I don't know. It could be the care, the personal attention, we give to the person who has passed, as well as her family. It could also be the personal message of salvation that is not present in many of today's religious systems. Whatever it is, I hope that God will help her to find whatever she is missing in her religion; especially if that one thing is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

BRACKET BUSTERS

One of the fun things about the men's NCAA basketball tournament (March Madness), is that when it begins, there are 64 teams (or 68 I guess) that have the opportunity to play for the National Championship. And when everyone fills out their tournament brackets, it is fun to guess where the "upsets" are going to come; and who is going to be able to make it to the Final Four. The first weekend of games is the best as there are games on constantly, it seems, for 4 days. Then, the next weekend, there are not as many games, but still 4 days of basketball. But, before long, usually during the first weekend, our brackets that we filled out begin to "bust". That is because the tournament never goes as we plan it when the brackets first come out. For example, who no one would have expected VCU (do you even know what that stands for? Virginian Commonwealth University) to make it to the Final Four, especially since they were in one of the "play in" games when there 68 teams starting out. And, pretty much everyone's bracket is "busted" when you consider that for the very first time, since the current "seeding" system was put in place in 1979, there are NO #1 or #2 seeds in the Final Four. I think we have a 3 seed, a 4 seed, an 8 seed and an 11 seed (VCU)! That can make the tournament more exciting for some; but for those of us who filled out brackets, with the misplaced hope that we would pick them right, or at least close, and win our office pool, or competition with friends - we somehow are surprised and disappointed that our brackets are "busted". Add on to that , my personal humiliation in our own little family bracket competition, which I wrote about at the beginning of the tournament. Going into the Final Four, only one family member, and its not me, has a team left in our brackets. That means that our family competition is pretty much over. And I am not happy to report that currently, I am in 3rd place, behind our 10 year old son and my wife, who is locked into first place. And by the way, she would be delighted to talk about her victory, especially the part about her not caring about basketball, not knowing anything about basketball, just picking teams based on how they "sounded" and still winning the competition. Then, a mischievous grin comes across her face and she laughs her Devilish laugh. So pathetic, so wrong! And if Kentucky wins the championship, my 11 year old daughter will jump up into 2nd place, and put me out of the reward category all together. Believe me - I wish this was an April Fool's joke. But, the joke is on me, and so it goes that the joke is on anyone who thinks they will pick all the right teams, year in and year out. To some extent, all our brackets get "busted" Trying to redeem this somehow, I was thinking this week that this really is a picture of life - real life. Fantasy is thinking the brackets are going to work out the way we plan - that the best teams will always win, or that our "cinderella" pick will always pan out - that's the way it should be. But then reality kicks in - those that "should" win lose and the "cinderella" we picked went home from the ball a long time ago. in fact, it seems that the ugly step sisters end up winning. That is life. Life doesn't always go - in fact it never really goes according to my plan. Health, finances, jobs, relationships, happiness, etc. are all placed neatly in our life brackets according to how we think it ought to be; and yet its not very long before our fantasy life brackets get busted. The real key is: what are we going to do when that happens. We can choose to enjoy the surprises of life and "roll with it" or we can become bitter and live in misery. One of my favorite passages of Scripture is Psalm 73. David talks about how he got his eyes on other people and when life wasn't going as he thought it should, he became discouraged. Until...he went to church (verse 17) and learned the truth about God's control and how everything is going to end. You see: for those of us on God's team (followers of Jesus), we may lose a lot of games, but in the end, we win the eternal championship (Heaven). So, our physical, temporal lives here, our dreams, may seem to get "busted" all the time; but we have a 100% guarantee, from God Himself, of how this will all end. That is why we can place our faith, hope, trust and focus on God to guide us through this life that seems get "busted" in some way, every day. This was where David eventually got his thinking to, and it where I need my heart to settle as well: Psalm 73:25,26 - "Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

To Save A Life: a movie review

I don't consider myself a movie critic, but I do enjoy movies; especially if they are based on true stories or seem real to life. Last night, at the recommendation of one of my friends, along with my wife and two teenage children, I watched the movie: To Save A Life. It sounds familiar because of The Fray's hit: How To Save A Life (I think that was the group that sang the song); and although it certainly fits the movie, I don't think the song was used in anyway with the movie. However, after watching the movie, that particular song sticks in my head, more than the main songs that the movie used.

Usually, we are watching children's movies because we have 3 younger children; but since they were at another activity, we decided this was as good as time as any, to watch this PG-13 flick. I think the intent was to make a movie that had Christian, biblical, messages in it; and yet still make a good movie, that would appeal, even to "non-believers". Although I don't know much about acting or cinematography, in my opinion, they did pretty well on all accounts. At the very least, I enjoyed it, and believe it or not, even as a pastor, it is hard for a movie, that I think is going to be Christian based, to impress me. Usually, even I can tell when a movie is poorly done, or is overly dramatic; or just cheesy. Many "Christian" movies are just that; but I don't think this one is.

I highly recommend this movie to teenagers and to adults; and especially for parents and teens to watch and discuss together. Or, even for youth pastors and their teens (along with parents if possible) to view it and discuss it. There are many great discussion points to this movie. For me, it is a good movie, not because it was just enjoyable to watch; but because it does offer an opportunity for evaluation, personally, for parent, for teens, and for churches. It touches on many important, but difficult themes: cutting, drug use, bullying, pastor's kids' rebellion, legalism, suicide, drinking, swearing and sex (including teen pregnancy and discussion of abortion and adoption). How is that for an all-inclusive movie?

The story line centers around Jake, whose best friend from his growing up years, committed suicide. Jake is left to deal with the effects of that tragedy, along with other difficult choices of his own. The main choice he has to make, that serves as a foundation for all his other choices, is about the direction of his life and what is going to be most important in life. And along with that, how does God fit into all of this?

One thing I really appreciated about how the movie dealt with these very sensitive issues, was that it was tastefully done, and not in an exploitative way at all, in my opinion. You could tell they just had sex, but you don't actually see the act. You know the boy just shot himself, but you don't see the actually effects, physically. Instead, you see other's response to it. Even the cutting is shown tastefully, in my humble opinion. So, you get the effect of the sinful things that are going on, without actually having to view them in any graphic detail.

So, in conclusion: Rent the movie. We got it from the library, and I'm pretty sure it is in some Red Box units as well. Watch it, but don't forget to discuss it; and think about how God might want to use you in the life of someone else. This is not one of those movies that I forget as soon as it is over. I will be thinking about it, in reference to my life, for quite some time.

MARCH FAMILY MADNESS

This time of year brings all kinds of fun, including an annual, family tradition (even though this is just the 2nd year, I can still call it a tradition, right?)! So, at the dinner table Monday night, I announce it is time for our fun family tradition; and my daughter's first response was: "do I have to"? Not exactly the enthusiastic response I was expecting. But I pressed on, living in the fantasy world that 20 years from now, my children would include this activity as one of their favorite family memories and traditions!

So, after we are done eating, we sit at the table, filling out our brackets: that is, brackets for the NCAA Men's basketball tournament, affectionately known as "March Madness". We came up with a point system and the only way to get my family interested, was to have prizes for 1st, 2nd and 3rd place! We settled on dinner out with mom and/or dad for 1st; lunch for 2nd; and desert for 3rd. One of my daughters, our desert fanatic, asked if she could have the 3rd place prize even if she won 1st.

As for the science of the picking, I should have the advantage. I have played basketball all my life. I have watched basketball all my life. I pay attention to the teams, their records, their injury status, their momentum, their history, their seed, and everything else that should make a difference. What is the science that the rest of my family relies on for their picks? Important things like:I'm picking them because of their color; I like their team name; I like the state they play in; their mascot is cute; I'm just going to close my eyes and pick one; and other scientific data like this is used.

Of course, what usually happens? I don't normally do well with my picks; and in last year's family challenge, I think I finished 5th out of 7. But, this year is going to be different...please, let it be different. Don't let the mascot pickers win again!

So, here's to a month of madness and family fun. I can't see why they won't have fun.
Qne of my opening comments to my family was this helpful instruction:
"You are going to have fun whether you like it or not"!