I QUIT...I MEAN, RETIRE

I mean it. I can't take it anymore. The pressure is too much. It is too tiring. I don't enjoy it anymore. There is too much criticism. It brings too much pain. I don't recover from it like I used to. I quit...but since "quitters never win and winners never quit", I can't quit. So, I retire. And this is not like the Brett Favre (former New York Jet and Green Bay Packer quarterback) kind of retirement, where he retires, and then a couple months later is out of retirement...again. This is the real kind of retirement, where you walk away and never come back. The kind of retirement where you "take it easy", relax, pull up a chair and put your feet up...that kind of retirement. It's the kind of retirement where you can just talk about how effective you were back in the "good ole' days"; but never have to prove it again.

Yes, I am retiring from.................................................................................................................................
running races. This past Saturday, May 30th, I ran in my first and last race. It was a 5K, hosted by Hyland Software in Westlake. It was to benefit the Metro Health Clinic. A good company, and for a good cause. That was all good. The bad part was how my wife suckered me into the race in the first place and the ensuing pain it brought into my life. I might be exaggerating just a wee tiny bit...but not much. She loved running in a race last year and convinced me it would be great if she, my son Alex and I ran together (of course, neither of them actually ran with me - one left me in the dust and the other refused to catch up with me - so I was all by my lonesome, in the midst of strangers (that was excuse #1).

I took it as an opportunity to lose some weight since I had been somewhat unmotivated recently. So, I signed up. Near the end of March, I began running a couple miles, 3 times a week. Eventually, I pushed it up to 3 miles 2 or 3 times a week, depending on basketball and how my foot felt. Yes, this is my 2nd excuse. I had a major foot problem (bottom of foot) in the past, got it treated, and then it went away. With the recent running, it has returned. I have a hard time walking when I get out of bed in the morning. But, I ran through the pain, trained and the closer the race date came, the more I couldn't wait for it to be over.

I also tried to give myself more incentive by telling my 14 year old son, that if he beat me, I would award him $10. I thought if I trained and he didn't (which he didn't), that even though I am 3 times his age (that is excuse number 3 by the way), that I should be able to will myself to victory (over my son). Didn't quite happen the way I envisioned it. Let me get excuse #4 out on the table before I forget. My wife looked up what you are supposed to eat before a race. The night before, you are supposed to have pasta. Well, she served pasta 2 nights before. And what did she serve me the night before the big race? Pizza and chocolate chip cookies! Can you believe that? What kind of runner's wife is she anyway? You can see why I just had no chance to perform up to my capability!

It wasn't long into the race that my son, with apparent ease, strode out in front of me, and it wasn't long after that, that I never saw him again (until I stumbled across the finish line). I ran it in 23 minutes and 26 seconds, which is actually not that bad for me, since when I was running the last couple months, I was running a tenth of a mile shorter distance in about 25 minutes. So, I should be happy right? NO! I lost to a 14 year old, and a bunch of girls, by the way.

So, it is with incredible joy and relief, that today, I announce my retirement from the sport (I can't believe I just called it a sport) of running. Let the speculation begin.