DOCTORS 3 FAVORITE WORDS

So, I went to the doctor's office the other day because I have some problems (insert your own remark here, at my expense, to humor yourself!). And although he would never admit to it, I think I know my doctor's favorite 3 words. I think they are his favorite because he probably knows the fear and trembling that it brings to his patients, and it must make him giggle inside (although he is very careful to veil his giggling with a look of concern). Have you guessed it yet? No, the 3 words are not: "just say ahhhhhhhhh..."; nor are they: "here's my bill."

Now, any women reading this can stop, since you just won't understand. This is a guy thing. So, now I think you guys know the 3 words: "drop your pants", followed by his next 3 favorite words: "just bend over". Am I the only guy that dreads this? I can't be. Add on to that the nice additional fear factor that I am now standing by a window, overlooking a large parking lot; and there is no covering, no shades, no blinds on the window! I am thinking: if I can see the people out there, then certainly they can see me in here.

Of course, my friendly doctor (whose giggling inside has now turned to devious laughter) doesn't say anything. He let's me bring it up, as my knees are trembling and I am diving for cover. "Hey, doc, the window...how about some blinds here!" He pauses, waits for me to have a few more seconds of trembling, and then calmly states the fact: "don't worry, it is one way glass. They can't see in." He says it in such a way to try to make me believe that he simply forgot to tell me and that I can't possibly think that he, this kind, loving doctor, would ever subject me to such a thing. He is very good at hiding his inside mocking of me with a kind gentle veneer.

Finally, he gives me the good news, which might be bad news to most people (sorry, no more explanations here). And I ask him the obvious question: "So, doc, what can I do for this?" He responds: "drink plenty of liquids, eat fiber and get exercise." That seems pretty self-explanatory, but I am pretty dense, so I ask for details: "doc, can you be more specific"? Now, you might want to know at this point in the story, that my kind (and he is) doctor has probably not missed a meal in a very long time.

With a straight face, he says to me: "Well, let me give you an example of what to do, based on what I did last night." "ok - what's that?" He said: "While watching the game last night, I drank a lot of beer (I guess that is the liquid) and instead of nachos and cheese (it was disappointing that he ruled out nachos and cheese since it is one of my favorite snacks), I ate a ton of frosted mini wheats (I guess that is the fiber); and for exercise: I played the Wii with my kids."

So, there you have it: my doctor's orders: "drink plenty of beer, eat frosted mini wheats liberally, and don't forget to play video games". Thanks doc. Then, as I am leaving, his assistant gives me her 3 favorite words: "here's the bill."

Do any of you know how to interpret dreams?I know this sounds random, but it is somewhat connected. I am having this recurring nightmare: I go to the doctor's office, he tells me his 3 favorite words, followed by his next 3 favorite words. And then, as soon as I hear the rubber gloves snap on, he reveals his new 8 favorite words: "By the way, I just read your blog."